Bell Ringer

There once was a man that had no arms and his only dream in life was to ring the bells at the church downtown. He would go there every day and ask to be the bell ringer for the church, but since the job was already taken, the reverend couldn’t offer it to him.

“Besides,” the reverend would say, “how can you possibly ring a bell without any, er… arms?

“Very easy,” replied the man, “I can use my head.”

“Oh my goodness, won’t that hurt?”

“No, I have a pretty thick skull and a very high tolerance for pain.”

“Well,” said the reverend, “our normal bell ringer will be on vacation next week, can you fill in for him?”

“Your grace, that would be wonderful, and I will not let you down, I promise.”

The following week, the man was as good as his word and the bells were rung with great love and care. The whole congregation were impressed with the beautiful sounds that the bells made after they struck the mans head. On the last day of his scheduled assignment, the man with no arms and the beautiful bell ringing began to play something that hadn’t been heard in over a hundred years. It was a little known bell piece by Mozart that usually takes two bell ringers to do it flawlessly, but the substitute bell ringer was doing it all alone, and doing it quite well.

Then tragedy struck, as the bell ringer slipped on his own perspiration that was accumulating on the floor of the bell tower. The bell tower rose above the church some fifty feet, and since the bell ringer had no arms or hands, he couldn’t stop himself from being flung over the side of the bell tower and plummeting to his death below.

The authorities were called in and many questions were to be asked, the first of which was:

“So, reverend, do you have a name for the victim?”

“Officer, I’m sorry I do not.”

“So you’re saying that you don’t know who this is?”

“No officer, I do not. But his face sure does ring a bell.”

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Dread Pirate Julie

The clock struck one.

“Wait, you’re telling me that the lady killed in the gas station explosion is the same woman that gave you the key?”

“Yes.”

“That is so weird, no wait, that is so cool!” Hayley said “kind of like something you would see on that old television show, The Twilight Zone.”

“I know, right,” her brother Tony said nervously. “A little too much like that for my taste.”

The two of them had been talking about the incident on and off for the past couple of days and they were now drawing the attention of fellow guests at their cousin Jennifer’s wedding reception, so much so that Tony thought it might be the perfect time to go and get a couple more drinks. Their Uncle had plenty of money, and the bar was open, an opportunity to imbibe on some one’s dime never was a bad thing after all.

When Tony got back to the table he noticed that his sister Hayley was reading a romance novel and was really getting into it, by outward appearances.

“You know those things are a bunch of bull, and won’t ever get you a husband, let alone a boyfriend.”

“Who says I want one,” Hayley shot back with a smile on her face. “I don’t need a man to get by in this big world of ours.”

“No, but it wouldn’t hurt if you could find one with a big bankroll to help your brother out every now and then.”

“Why Tony, I am shocked to hear you say something like that,” Hayley now in a full out smile said, feigning shock.

“Whatever, sis. What is the story about? You looked like it was the greatest story ever told, do you expect me to believe that one of those novels can capture your imagination in such a manner.”

“Actually, the story is pretty lame, and it’s supposedly a “historical fiction” novel, which I suppose means there might be some facts in here.” Hayley tapped the cover of the book that featured a well-developed woman dressed in what had to be the craziest looking pirate getup that Tony had ever seen.

“This part is really kind of freaky, considering all that has been going on lately, listen:

Julie Kavanaugh looked down at the treasure that she was about to bury, thinking about the traps that she had just left for any unsuspecting treasure hunters. It was quite an ingenious plan that she no doubt knew would keep her treasure safe for her return. The curse that the local native set on it would keep it safe for the next 313 years, if the fates kept her away. When that time came, if the hunter had the Key, the box, and the right combination, then they could take what was hers.

Julie took her pocket-watch, and verified the time as a little past three in the afternoon, three thirteen to be exact – as exact as her Pomander watch was. The watch had been in her family for nearly two hundred years, and never seemed to miss a beat.

Julie finished burying her treasure…

“What the heck is a Pomander Watch? Is there even such a thing?”

“Actually yes. I can show you later when we get home. It looks like a globe on the outside…”

“Wait, 313 years? When did this supposedly true event take place?”

“Let’s see, it says here that this book follows the adventures of the pirate Julie Kavanaugh during her greatest year, which was 1698.”

“That’s 313 years ago, time to queue the scary music now.”

****

The man opened his door and walked across the room to where his calendar hung next to the phone in the kitchen, and looked closely at the dates. Flipping through the calendar he came to the month of July, then taking a damp cloth from the sink he proceeded to run the cloth over the calendar. The water activated the compounds in the invisible ink to make the writing legible once again. July 27 was annotated with the letters JCEK and the word “today” under them.

He then picked up the phone and dialed, when the connection was made he said: “The Key knows” and then hung up. The refrigerator was stocked with his favorite Augustiner beer, he grabbed one opened it and took a long swallow.

Soon, he thought tapping his fingers on the antique box, very soon, I can get back what that pirate Julie Kavanaugh took from my family…

Cross posted at A Screed In Time

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Fate is Fickle

There was was a man that was in charge of a big company and he had all the power in the world, but he was not happy.

There once was a man that had absolutely nothing but the clothes on his back, yet he was extremely happy.

There was a woman that knew both men and wanted to find out why they were the way they were, was it genetics, was it drugs, was it money that drove the men to how they viewed life in general.

One day she ran into the homeless man and accidentally knocked him over, he struck his head against the curb and died.

One day the important man was mugged and shot to death in an alley near work, he had over $1,000 in cash on him which the opportunistic thief proceeded to take, only to blow it on drugs and whores within three days. On the fourth day, he died of an apparent drug overdose.

At the funeral for the important man very few people showed up, because they felt like he treated them like dirt and didn’t deserve their respects. The woman was there.

At the funeral for the homeless man, over three hundred people showed up to pay their respects, stating that he was a great person who treated everyone with respect and loved life. The woman was there as well, although you might not have noticed her, since she felt very guilty about the accident that killed the man. If she would have talked to anyone at the service, no one would have placed any blame on her. Accidents happen.

The estate of the important man was left to various people, mostly family and friends – very few of which actually spent the time to attend his funeral service.

The woman received a legal notice in the mail, telling her that her presence was required for a reading of a will.

The woman had no idea that one of her relatives had passed and immediately felt guilty.

The homeless man was actually a billionaire that preferred to live his life as a homeless man. He left the woman $47 million, with only one condition; that she treat everyone with gentleness and kindness for the rest of her days…

To be continued…

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Strange Trip

Getting off of the train, I immediately noticed that I had never been here before. That should not have been the case, since this was the train that I took on my daily commute to work on a daily basis. How could I have possibly gotten off at the wrong stop? My home is located three miles from the train station, which also happens to be the first stop towards the city and the last stop on the return trip.

There were no more stops.

Point made as the train left the station towards the location that I had just been. I was still in too much shock to even recognize the fact that my only means of transportation and, for that matter, reality had just left the station. It was only then that I noticed the peculiar fact that the tracks were disappearing as quickly as the train that rode upon their rails.

What the heck?

This sort of thing only happens in the books that I read, not in real life. I was way to busy to have to deal with this kind of thing, reports had to be written and meals had to be eaten.

Odd, I’m never hungry when I get off of my train, yet this time I am ravenous. Somehow, I don’t think that I took my 4:50 train back to suburbia, and my usual forty minute nap might have been a tad bit longer than that.

Time to figure out what was going on.

I looked around to take in my surroundings and saw nothing familiar, in fact, I saw no one else either. There are the regular riders that get off with me, Mark, John, Ted and Ellen are four of who I actually know. Where did they go?

Okay, what else do I know?

There were no cars, no vehicles of any sort, only an open field of wildflowers and an old rutted road that lead towards the east, or was it south? I had no idea, only that I was standing on the middle of it and it continued on unabated in both directions.

Okay, the road is rutted and made of dirt. Obviously suburbia has taken a step back in time, a really big step at that. This was getting weirder every second that I took in.

Maybe it would be better to concentrate on myself, what did I have? Backpack with laptop, power bar and a bottle of water, along with the paperwork required for my report that was due tomorrow – if I made it back. I think I might disregard that report for the time being, as I doubt if I will find any kind of internet service here, wherever here was. Power would probably also be out of the question, unless there was a city of marvel just beyond that horizon that had AC power.

Highly unlikely, considering what I could see.

Okay, thankfully I happened to also have my gym bag with me, so I can change out of my shoes for the presumed long walk ahead. There also were some more snacks, which I never eat, but will soon look like the best steak dinner I could imagine as my hunger pains intensified.

I should also eighty-six the suit, as I don’t want to draw any attention towards myself.

Because I am sure that my Reebok’s are in fashion here.

Now, decision time, which way do I head? Should I head towards what would normally be my normal walk home? Or do I high-tail it the other direction? I’ll stick with what I am familiar with, more or less. Besides its downhill, for the most part, once I get over the initial bump in the horizon. Unless the topography is completely foreign here as well, in which case I will have to climb a bit I imagine.

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An Eventful Trip

Using the prompt for the words below… did it while on the phone with my wife, in about three minutes… Enjoy. :)

1. Regular
2. Sun
3. Wild
4. Muck
5. Shoot
6. Frustration
7. Hand
8. Take
9. Push
10. Trip

“We were all set to take our regular trip to the wild. We wanted to push out at first sun but we got stuck in the muck and then the frustration set in after my buddy decided to shoot my hand. Jerk. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it officer.”

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Day at the Park

“Dad, par, par, par”

“What?”

Dayi, par, par, par”

“You want to go to the park?”

“hmm mmm”

“Okay, we can go.”

“Shoosh, shoosh…”

“Yes, I need my shoes.”

“Wak, wak, wak?”

“You want to walk to the park?”

“hmm mmm”

“Okay, we can walk to the park.”

“mo, poe. foy, mo, mom, mom, de dessi, kati, megi, anny.”

“Yes, we can all go to the park.”

“Excellent father, I am so looking forward to it.”

“Wha..?”

“Oops, fa , par, mo, ki,li lulu…”

The walk to the park and subsequent play time was unremarkable, but daddy kept looking at his son in a suspicious-he-might-be-an-alien kind of way. Later he decided that maybe he shouldn’t have had that double cheeseburger, because despite what the science fiction books tell him, there is no such thing as alien babies.

****

“Whew, that was close Reginald. The old man almost believed that you weren’t what you really are. I think we’ll have to commence with project “clean slate” sooner than later.”

“I agree Frederick, but let me get him to change this diaper first, it’s making me cranky.”

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Babs Beats Bottle

Babs threw her bag on the floor and burst into tears.

She was a mess and knew it, but didn’t need to have a phone call remind her of all those inadequacies just the same. I mean who does her brother think he is anyway? She’s the oldest and she should know what to do in a situation and not have to be bailed out by some punk kid seven years her junior.

Okay, so he is forty-seven and the vice president of the bank but really she didn’t need to hear his crap. Especially with it stemming from his jealousy of her situation with her latest love interest. The fact remains that the fur coat she gave to her sister in-law, was just going to be wasted sitting in her closet.

This latest incident was just going to push Babs away from her family even more so than she already was, and instead of being a “Chreaster” – one who visits only around Christmas and Easter – she might just wait a few years before visiting again, even though she dearly loved her nieces and nephews.

“Here’s your stop ma’am,” barked the taxi driver, as he rudely slammed on the brakes in from of the Essex House.

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Jack Gets Gas

In the end, it didn’t matter.

I pulled up to the gas station because my little light that tells me what to do, lit up reminding me of my need to fill the car up with gas. I think it’s a remarkable little light and there are several more inside that tell me things like which direction to turn, if my door is left open or even if I don’t have my seat belt on. Pretty amazing stuff.

So after I place the car in park and turn off the engine, because there is a sign that says that as well, although there are no lights attached to this one. I wonder if you can still read it after the sun goes down, and if you cannot read the sign, does that mean you do not need to turn off your engine? I had never thought of that until now, I wonder why?

I make a mental note to come by after dark some evening to see for myself. I can just see all of the cars running while having gas pumped into them.

I grab my credit card out of my wallet and proceed to place it into the slot that says place card here, again no lights and again I am left to wonder about how anything gets done at night around this place without lights that tell you what to do.

Behind me a young lady pulls up to fill her car with gas and I wonder if her car has those very informative lights as well, and decide that I must investigate. As I run towards the young lady, she starts to hug her handbag – I don’t know why she does this, is she really attached to the handbag, is it a sense of vanity, or maybe she doesn’t even realize that she is doing it.

“Get back, or I’ll call the police,” she exclaims as I slow down to ask her my question.

“Why would you call the police?” I ask, although that was not my original question, that was in regards to the lights in her car, if she even has any.

“You want to steal my handbag and take advantage of my innocence.” She says.

“I would do no such thing, madam, I just ran over here to ask you a question before my gas stopped pumping into my car.” I try to explain.

“Oh, I apologize, I thought you might be one of those hooligans I have been reading about in the news.”

“What? I would do no such thing.”

I act offended enough that she says.

“I’m sorry.”

“It is okay madam, I was just coming over to inquire about the lights in your car, or rather, if you have lights in your car that tell you when to get gas.”

“Um, yes I do have lights, but I don’t always wait until they light up to get gas.”

Needless to say I am shocked by this pronouncement and I turn to leave.

“What is your name, may I ask? You seem familiar to me.”

“You may ask, my name is Jack Kavanaugh.”

“Nice to meet you Jack, my name is Babs. Do you perchance have a light?”

“Yes I do, several of them in my car.”

“No, silly man, I mean a light for my cigarette.”

“Oh that, I sure do. Here, let me light that for you.”

In the end, it didn’t matter.

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Secret Key

The old woman turned and smiled.

“Seeing you eat those remind me of my time in England.”

“Excuse me?” I asked, wondering what she was talking about, or to for that matter. Sometimes when talking to seniors they tend to fade in and out of memories. Who knows, maybe she was thinking I was an old lover of hers or something, or had a really good sandwich, which is what I was currently stuffing my mouth with.

“Your chips,” she pointed to the half-eaten tube of Salt and Vinegar chips that I was happily munching on. “They remind me of my time in England.”

“How’s that?” I ask, not really knowing if I want to be drawn into a conversation during my lunch break.

“When I was younger, I used to live in a small town in England, some shire or something like it – my memory fades,” she smiles back at me knowingly. ” I remember one time fondly enough though, amazingly. I went over to a next door neighbor to complain about the bounced check that my former work place just sent me.”

“Interesting, but I only have a few minutes left on my break…” I froze at what I was saying, remembering that Mom always told me that no matter what I need to respect the wishes of those who were my senior. “I’m sorry, that was very rude of me, please continue.”

“Oh, no problem dear, I understand that you have work to be getting back to and I don’t want to keep you here listening to some old story by some old lady.”

“My apologies, please continue.”

With a nod of her head she continued where she left off.

“Anyway, as I was complaining about my circumstances my neighbor invited me in to share some fish and chips that he had just picked up down the street. Lovely food that. We always doused it with a liberal amount of vinegar and salt, so seeing your chips reminded me of that.”

“Oh, I get it. Yeah sure, right. Okay…”

“Which got me to remember something that I have and need to give to someone. Someone that can be trusted, and that could use it. You seem to be the kind of person, I am looking for.”

“What? No ma’am, there is no need to do anything like that.” I started.

“Nonsense, it’s my treasure, and if I want to give it away, I can do just that.”

“Treasure?”

“Well, it’s probably not much, but you look like someone that likes a challenge with some possible adventure involved.” She looked me square in the eye, almost like she was looking through me with her violet eyes. How could I have missed those, wow.

“After our lunch my neighbor wanted to show me something, so I followed him to his dusty attic, where he retrieved a box that looked as though it hadn’t seen the light of day in ages. The wood was so well oiled and unblemished, in fact now that I think about it, there wasn’t much dust, if any, on it either,” she paused reflectively thinking back to that day. “He opened the box and pulled out several sheets of paper that had notations all over it and what appeared to be a map, or two.

“There was also an old key in the box that he said was the lost key to the secret, one that has been kept for several hundred years. He told me that one day, after my eighty-sixth birthday, I would ‘find’ someone that was to be given the key and…”

“Wait. What secret?”

“That’s just it, he never told me. In fact, if I remember correctly he was killed in a freak accident the next day before I could ask.”

“So, now you are eighty-six and you want to give this lost key to me and I’m supposed to do what exactly?”

“I don’t know, but here is the key, ” she hands over the key, which really doesn’t look like much, except for the engravings of some words along the stem and the fleur-de-lis design on the top of the key. It looked like a mixture of two different styles that had been smashed together to be honest. Quite an ugly key in fact.

“Good luck, young man.”

“Wait! What am I supposed to do with this?” I yelled back at her, but she just kept on walking.

“So what are you going to do Anthony Black?”

“I really don’t know Hayley, I wasn’t going to do anything, but then I saw today’s paper.”

“What about it?”

“You know that gas station explosion that injured Aunt Babs?

“Yeah?”

“Well, there was a casualty after all? They found a body after digging through all of the rubble. It seems no one knew there was anyone there, so they weren’t looking for anyone. Once the excavation began they found her.” Pointing towards the front page of the paper was a picture of an elderly woman, with the headline:

“Local heiress found in rubble of GasCo explosion”

Emilia Sarah Cavanaugh March 3, 1925 – March 4, 2011

Cross posted at A Screed In Time

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Uncertainty

You knew it would happen sometime.

And now that the time is here you are completely caught off guard because although you knew that it would happen at some time, you really didn’t expect now to be the time.

No one ever really does, but it does happen to everyone eventually.

The question is, what are you going to do about it, and how can you explain it to those around you that thought, like you, that it would never happen to you.

I guess you’ll just have to invite them to the wedding.

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