Story a Day May #6: Tights and Tissues

“I really just don’t understand,” Mona said, sniffing as she wiped at her free falling tears. “I tried so hard to be a good girlfriend. Always on time, there for him when he needed me, and I sacrificed some prime villain fights for him! You know?”

“There, there,” Mercury said patting her shoulder. “Just cry it all out. There are always other villains you know–”

“I gave up my chance to fight against the Dr. Ice. He’s a major player and so handsome! If it wasn’t a conflict of interest I would–”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, you and how many other superheroes and sidekicks? One fight against your normal every day life? How can you–”

“Mer! I gave up the fight. The one where they finally bested him. My name could have gone down in history! At this rate I’m always going to be a second class heroine.” At this Mona broke down into outright sobs and Mercury sighed.

“Here’s a box of tissues,” she said, offering it, and Mona accepted. Blowing her nose loudly, the super heroine wiped her tears and then tried to hand the box back. “No, no, keep it for now,” Mercury said.

“Thanks, Mer. You’re the only one I could think of that would understand,” Mona said with a grateful smile.

“Mona, I’m not a super hero. I’m not even a sidekick.”

“But you understand love! And being dumped.” At this Mona began tearing up again.

“Ok, ok, I’m sorry! You’re right. And I do like to listen to your stories about the villains you fight. But… I never really understood how you could like Brian. He was a normal guy.”

“Exactly! A cute normal guy. Do you know how many freaks, egomaniacs, and narcissistic pricks I see on a day to day basis? Seriously nobody told me even the good guys would be this way. It’s a heroine’s dream to fall in love with a hero but then you realize they’re all as equally messed up as you and then you start craving a normal relationship… Not one where an argument takes out an apartment building because the guy or yourself loses control for a moment.”

“Ok, so normal is good,” Mercury said, “but didn’t you always have to hold back your powers? Hell, you never even told him about them.”

“Of course not. What normal guy wants a freak? But I did tell him about my days… Villains became bosses, subcontractors or competitors and superheroes are my coworkers. We talked daily and he would even give me advice on how to get along with some of the guys… but now he can’t.” Mona swallowed back tears.

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. Come here,” Mercury said, and Mona moved into her embrace.

“You’re a good friend, Mer. Thanks.” A blaring alarm cut short the conversation. “Damn, it looks like that perv with x-ray glasses is being a menace again. I better get out the aluminum lined costume.”

“How is that a villain, exactly?” Mercury asked with a frown.

“He’s an enemy to all women… but he’s actually just the sidekick. The main guy is Dr. Doom… Destroyer… Death? Oh, who cares, he’s just another mad scientist in a lab coat trying to terrorize the world with his inventions. Not really a threat unless he has a death ray.”

“Death ray? What about a gun?”

“For some reason his guns never seem to work. It’s weird, huh? He can’t invent something that’s been around for ages but his death rays almost obliterate the moon or Earth. I guess he’s more suited to grand schemes.” Mona shrugged and went to get changed.

“Ok, I better get going,” she said when she came back.

“Hey, Mona?” The superheroine looked at her while putting on her mask. “Your job offers you a great outlet for anger, so when you look at the villain and sidekick, think of him as Brian and kick the snot out of him.”

“Just the snot?” Mona asked, looking disappointed, then grinned. “Just kidding. I’ll make them pay for everything they cost me in my relationship. It’s only fair after all.”

Mercury smiled and waved goodbye as her friend flew off the tenth story balcony. Activating the bug on Mona she listened in later while making dinner as the very confused villain and sidekick pleaded that they were not Brian, had never cheated on her, and could she please stop threatening to neuter them? It made her smile. Their cries of terror made her outright grin, and she laughed when they started pleading that they had not meant to keep her from her boyfriend. The Crusader was in fine form tonight. Only the Rainbow Brigade could produce a better show.

Mercury’s ringing cell phone made her frown. Brian. “Yes? What do you want?”

“I broke up with her. I kept my part of the deal. When do I get my payment?”

“When I’m certain you’re not going to try and renege on our deal, but you did a good job. I’ll add an extra five, so make certain you stay away from her and if she contacts you–”

“Be a cold jerk. I remember.” Brian sighed. “I really don’t understand how you could do this to your best friend.”

“Well, she’s more than that, but I think the more interesting question is how you could do this to your girlfriend, don’t you think?” Hanging up, Mercury smiled to herself, and took a bite of chicken. Just like the show, her dinner was to die for.

—

Prompt: a box of tissues, x-ray glasses, and a rainbow (ended up just using the word rainbow randomly… heh, but it appealed to me to have someone shoot rainbows out of their butt… but no.)

Prompt from awesomewritingprompts.tumblr.com — She always has unique prompts there.