WEBVTT NOTE This file was generated by Descript 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.889 Good morning, everybody. 00:00:01.889 --> 00:00:03.389 Hey, it's great to see everyone. 00:00:03.420 --> 00:00:04.709 Thank you for being here. 00:00:05.400 --> 00:00:06.150 Hey Robin. 00:00:06.150 --> 00:00:07.920 Hey Gary, Gabby. 00:00:09.120 --> 00:00:10.469 I, I'm not going to name everybody. 00:00:10.500 --> 00:00:12.689 Hey, everyone could be here all day. 00:00:15.164 --> 00:00:17.112 So thank you all for being here. 00:00:17.823 --> 00:00:21.194 I've had great time reading the stories that were submitted. 00:00:21.224 --> 00:00:25.634 I've got I'm going to introduce you to some people who 00:00:25.639 --> 00:00:27.104 helped me read them as well. 00:00:27.104 --> 00:00:32.984 And but first of all, I'm just going to get right in, get started. 00:00:33.374 --> 00:00:39.884 I'm going to start with our community rules, which I will pull up here. 00:00:40.814 --> 00:00:50.414 And let me go here and then share my screen of that one. 00:00:51.514 --> 00:00:54.764 Just so we are always all on the same page. 00:00:57.584 --> 00:00:59.054 Hopefully, you're seeing the rules here. 00:00:59.084 --> 00:00:59.954 I am sharing screen yet. 00:01:00.344 --> 00:01:03.824 So don't discuss other people's ideas outside this community. 00:01:03.824 --> 00:01:05.834 So we're going to be talking about people's stories today. 00:01:07.034 --> 00:01:10.034 They've been kind enough to share them with us so we can do that. 00:01:10.034 --> 00:01:13.334 So the understanding is that this is a, a zone of integrity. 00:01:13.334 --> 00:01:18.464 We're not stealing ideas, we're not talking about what we hear here today. 00:01:18.494 --> 00:01:21.464 People are being very vulnerable by showing their stories. 00:01:21.464 --> 00:01:23.505 So we're not stealing ideas. 00:01:23.505 --> 00:01:27.674 We are being and respecting that vulnerability we're being positive 00:01:27.674 --> 00:01:29.024 and constructive and generous. 00:01:29.324 --> 00:01:32.324 I'm always remembering that in this community, we see each other as 00:01:32.324 --> 00:01:36.744 colleagues, not competitors because frankly none of us could write all 00:01:36.764 --> 00:01:38.024 the stories that people want to read. 00:01:38.024 --> 00:01:42.074 So there's for us to be worried about that. 00:01:42.164 --> 00:01:43.704 Worried about competing with each other. 00:01:44.804 --> 00:01:47.114 If you ever have any problems with anyone here in the story, the 00:01:47.114 --> 00:01:50.624 community there is that link there, you can re you can, you know, submit 00:01:50.624 --> 00:01:51.984 a report anonymously or you can. 00:01:52.964 --> 00:01:55.904 Let me know who you are, it's up to you, but I want to make sure that's 00:01:55.904 --> 00:01:57.625 in place in case anybody needs it. 00:02:01.682 --> 00:02:02.055 Yeah. 00:02:02.055 --> 00:02:02.655 So. 00:02:04.079 --> 00:02:07.709 If I, I always say I, the only thing I won't tolerate is intolerance. 00:02:08.129 --> 00:02:11.129 So if any of this doesn't agree with you, you can fake a, a connection 00:02:11.129 --> 00:02:12.539 problem and bow out of the meeting. 00:02:12.544 --> 00:02:15.869 And, and we won't say anything else about it, however, I don't 00:02:15.869 --> 00:02:16.709 think that's ever happened. 00:02:16.709 --> 00:02:18.249 So I'm just keep going to keep moving. 00:02:19.440 --> 00:02:24.690 So I'm going to introduce you a little bit to other people that helped me read 00:02:24.769 --> 00:02:32.442 stories You may see Michelle Risinger here who taught AP English for many, many years 00:02:32.772 --> 00:02:35.502 and did some great commentary on some of these stories that we were looking at. 00:02:35.502 --> 00:02:37.062 And she writes literary fiction. 00:02:37.062 --> 00:02:38.052 That's one awards. 00:02:38.472 --> 00:02:40.092 And she takes part in story a day. 00:02:40.092 --> 00:02:40.692 Every year. 00:02:41.232 --> 00:02:44.882 Gabrielle Johansen has been in the story day community for quite a while. 00:02:45.162 --> 00:02:48.442 Now writes mostly urban fantasy and her short fiction has appeared in 00:02:49.341 --> 00:02:54.552 publications like Haven spec, speculative, Marta Pelrine-Bacon is an artist and 00:02:54.552 --> 00:02:59.052 writer whose first novel, The Blue Jar was published By plum Tree Books. 00:02:59.082 --> 00:03:01.272 Her short fiction's been published in multiple places 00:03:01.692 --> 00:03:03.962 and she's been as historian a participants since the beginning. 00:03:05.227 --> 00:03:08.407 So, how is this going to work? 00:03:08.407 --> 00:03:09.907 I'm going to stop sharing this slides now. 00:03:09.967 --> 00:03:10.267 Okay. 00:03:10.747 --> 00:03:13.957 So how this is going to work is we got a handful of stories that we 00:03:13.957 --> 00:03:15.277 want to talk about this morning. 00:03:15.637 --> 00:03:19.409 And the four of us read through the mid some notes on them. 00:03:19.777 --> 00:03:22.837 This is something that we do in the superstars group about three times a year, 00:03:23.527 --> 00:03:26.857 and we get together and we submit stories to each other and we go through them, 00:03:26.857 --> 00:03:29.677 leave comments, and then we get together and have a little discussion about them. 00:03:30.067 --> 00:03:36.637 So I am going to start as, let me just minimize that. 00:03:36.637 --> 00:03:37.627 So can see what I'm talking about. 00:03:38.827 --> 00:03:39.067 Yeah. 00:03:39.072 --> 00:03:44.407 So I'm going to talk about the, the stories in general. 00:03:44.707 --> 00:03:46.117 I will say the stories. 00:03:46.267 --> 00:03:47.647 It was great reading everybody's stories. 00:03:47.677 --> 00:03:54.037 Everybody had an important story to tell it was, it was Everyone had deep 00:03:54.037 --> 00:03:55.747 stuff to say about human condition. 00:03:56.767 --> 00:03:59.617 I, I learned something in most of the stories. 00:04:00.967 --> 00:04:04.957 I will say I'm going to start off with like that, that if I'm doing the, the love 00:04:04.957 --> 00:04:08.857 sandwich thing, not everyone followed the submission guidelines, it seems silly. 00:04:08.857 --> 00:04:13.657 But when somebody says, put your document in 12 point font, you know, 00:04:13.657 --> 00:04:20.662 sensible 12 point font like times neuro aerial or something like that, 00:04:20.662 --> 00:04:24.502 and double space it and put your page numbers in and put your title in. 00:04:24.862 --> 00:04:26.302 There's a reason for them doing that. 00:04:26.302 --> 00:04:27.652 And it's not just them being pedantic. 00:04:27.652 --> 00:04:28.042 Yes. 00:04:28.047 --> 00:04:30.562 Part of it is will you follow instructions and therefore, 00:04:30.562 --> 00:04:31.792 will you be easy to work with? 00:04:32.272 --> 00:04:37.192 But part of it is when you're reading a lot of stories you, it's kind of just 00:04:37.192 --> 00:04:39.502 easier if they all look the same, right? 00:04:39.502 --> 00:04:43.552 If, if you're flipping among stories and you have to like keep adjusting to 00:04:43.552 --> 00:04:46.672 different types of fonts, and if some of them are really squished together 00:04:46.672 --> 00:04:50.722 and, and if, if the reader has to go in and personally double space it, 00:04:50.727 --> 00:04:54.532 so they've got some white space on the page, it just irritates them. 00:04:55.162 --> 00:04:58.342 And so you don't wanna irritate the person you're submitting the story to, 00:04:58.552 --> 00:05:02.782 I wasn't irritated, but if someone is like, I saw an ad for a slash reading 00:05:02.782 --> 00:05:05.902 job at a, a magazine, I say job, I think it's a volunteer position. 00:05:05.932 --> 00:05:06.682 And they want you to. 00:05:07.062 --> 00:05:10.572 50 stories in 10 days every month. 00:05:11.112 --> 00:05:14.922 And if somebody, you know, if I'm reading 50 stories in 10 days and someone hasn't 00:05:14.922 --> 00:05:18.102 followed the submission guidelines, that's already a black mark against them. 00:05:18.102 --> 00:05:21.702 So that was something I noticed do pay attention to submission guidelines. 00:05:21.912 --> 00:05:25.002 Didn't much match matter here, but it might in other places. 00:05:27.092 --> 00:05:30.222 When we talk about the stories today, we will have suggestions to make. 00:05:30.222 --> 00:05:33.132 It's important to remember that if you ask a writer for suggestions on your 00:05:33.132 --> 00:05:34.692 story, they're going to give them to you. 00:05:35.262 --> 00:05:36.312 You get to ignore them. 00:05:36.402 --> 00:05:38.562 You get to say, yeah, that's interesting. 00:05:38.922 --> 00:05:40.002 I don't feel that in my gut. 00:05:40.002 --> 00:05:40.602 I'm going to ignore you. 00:05:41.502 --> 00:05:41.712 Neil. 00:05:41.717 --> 00:05:43.902 Gaman says, when someone tells you there's something wrong with your 00:05:43.902 --> 00:05:46.422 story, you should listen to them when they try and tell you how 00:05:46.422 --> 00:05:48.762 to fix it, they're usually wrong. 00:05:48.942 --> 00:05:50.622 And you, you need to figure that out for yourself. 00:05:50.622 --> 00:05:51.972 So bear that in mind, too. 00:05:52.152 --> 00:05:57.072 If we offer suggestions, which we will try not to do or we might speculate about 00:05:57.077 --> 00:06:00.012 how you might fix it, we're not really going to tell you how to fix your stories. 00:06:00.012 --> 00:06:02.071 We're just going to say, this is how we reacted to them. 00:06:03.467 --> 00:06:05.142 We don't know in this environment. 00:06:05.842 --> 00:06:06.622 Much about you. 00:06:06.862 --> 00:06:09.832 We don't know who your intended audience is. 00:06:10.162 --> 00:06:14.572 So there may be things that we say that you could answer if 00:06:14.572 --> 00:06:15.802 we had a discussion about it. 00:06:16.192 --> 00:06:20.782 So just bear in mind that we are coming to these stories cold in the superstars 00:06:20.782 --> 00:06:24.232 critique group, we tend to get, we, we, I invite people to leave comments at the 00:06:24.232 --> 00:06:27.592 beginning of the stories, telling us a bit about, you know, if it's an excerpt from 00:06:27.592 --> 00:06:33.172 a novel where we are in the story, or if it is who it's intended for what kind of 00:06:33.172 --> 00:06:36.862 feedback you're looking for, if it's just a first draft or if it's a Polish draft. 00:06:37.102 --> 00:06:40.762 So these stories didn't benefit from that depth of knowledge that we 00:06:40.767 --> 00:06:42.172 have usually when we're doing this. 00:06:42.472 --> 00:06:47.512 So there may be some questions that we had that you could you could 00:06:47.812 --> 00:06:51.412 answer for us, but remember that every reader coming to your story is coming 00:06:51.412 --> 00:06:52.972 to it cold and they don't know you. 00:06:53.212 --> 00:06:57.322 And they may know from the publication that it's in, whether it's intended for 00:06:57.322 --> 00:07:01.192 speculative fiction readers or children or whatever, we didn't have that knowledge. 00:07:03.622 --> 00:07:04.252 So. 00:07:06.262 --> 00:07:07.432 Are we doing okay. 00:07:07.432 --> 00:07:09.262 Let me just pull all your faces back up. 00:07:09.262 --> 00:07:16.222 Any brief questions before we get started here are let's see, 00:07:18.142 --> 00:07:20.062 looks like everyone is okay. 00:07:20.242 --> 00:07:20.542 All right. 00:07:20.992 --> 00:07:25.582 So the first the third, first comment I wanted to make was that opening 00:07:25.582 --> 00:07:27.082 lines are really, really important. 00:07:27.082 --> 00:07:31.282 And I saw some really good opening lines in here, and I saw some that made me keep 00:07:31.282 --> 00:07:34.462 reading for a couple of pages to find out what story was going to be about. 00:07:34.972 --> 00:07:40.012 Sort of, so the we'll, we'll probably comment on the one on the stories that 00:07:40.012 --> 00:07:42.532 we felt had the best opening lines. 00:07:44.152 --> 00:07:44.992 Oh, all right. 00:07:44.992 --> 00:07:45.352 So. 00:07:49.597 --> 00:07:51.277 I'm going to start by talking about a story. 00:07:51.277 --> 00:07:56.857 I'm also not going to mention the writer's names because you can identify yourself 00:07:56.862 --> 00:08:00.127 afterwards when in the Q and a section, if you want to, but you don't have to. 00:08:00.607 --> 00:08:03.517 So I'm going to start with a story called not today, which really was 00:08:03.517 --> 00:08:09.497 a short story and it was about 700 words long, long, and did follow 00:08:09.517 --> 00:08:10.982 the submission guidelines well done. 00:08:12.745 --> 00:08:17.557 I'm not going to call everyone out, but this one I thought started really well. 00:08:17.562 --> 00:08:21.127 I'm going to see if I can go over here. 00:08:23.362 --> 00:08:25.192 Sorry, I'm just, okay. 00:08:25.192 --> 00:08:33.532 So this one I thought started really well and it started S straightened up sniffing 00:08:33.532 --> 00:08:37.822 the air and sheeting, her eyes turned in a circle, scan the horizon so far so good. 00:08:37.822 --> 00:08:41.782 There was nothing in sight for the waving grass and the cluster of boulders where 00:08:41.782 --> 00:08:46.042 she stood and no sound, but the ever present sh of the wind, like, okay. 00:08:46.042 --> 00:08:48.202 So I know a little bit about this person. 00:08:48.412 --> 00:08:50.932 I know a little bit bit about where she is in the world. 00:08:51.952 --> 00:08:58.102 I know that there's something to be wary of because she's looking around 00:08:58.612 --> 00:09:01.502 and she's saying so far so good. 00:09:02.932 --> 00:09:07.522 So there's, there's some potential threat there to keep me reading. 00:09:09.952 --> 00:09:20.092 There's tons of sensory, sensory detail in this story and I, the, the story had 00:09:20.092 --> 00:09:24.952 a, a mantra in it that the character repeats over and over again, and it 00:09:24.952 --> 00:09:26.362 just doesn't come in immediately. 00:09:26.602 --> 00:09:30.502 It comes in sort of part once the threat appears, the mantra comes in and it was a 00:09:30.502 --> 00:09:35.542 really good way to keep us, keep reminding us throughout the story of of that. 00:09:35.872 --> 00:09:38.722 And that was something that I think everyone that read it commented on. 00:09:38.722 --> 00:09:41.272 So does anyone else have a, any comments on, on this story? 00:09:41.272 --> 00:09:42.412 Marta or Gabrielle? 00:09:43.732 --> 00:09:48.142 Yeah, I like the use of repetition, like, you know, particularly cuz I know as 00:09:48.147 --> 00:09:51.652 a, as a teacher, you're always telling students don't repeat, don't repeat. 00:09:52.102 --> 00:09:55.852 But sometimes, sometimes that's a really, sometimes you should. 00:09:57.472 --> 00:10:00.982 So I particularly like that, how it should bring it, the seemed like 00:10:00.987 --> 00:10:02.392 the pacing of that was pretty good. 00:10:03.922 --> 00:10:04.102 Yeah. 00:10:04.107 --> 00:10:07.252 And that's something that I, I saw in a few, few stories was pacing was good. 00:10:07.252 --> 00:10:08.172 You know, I was. 00:10:09.847 --> 00:10:13.357 I was curious for the next detail and then the writer gave it to me. 00:10:13.627 --> 00:10:15.337 So I was never like, okay, what's going on here? 00:10:15.337 --> 00:10:15.577 You know? 00:10:15.637 --> 00:10:21.637 And, and that's something to watch, I think, in your writing too, I 00:10:21.637 --> 00:10:25.627 thought the, the mantra was really good and that the author should even 00:10:25.632 --> 00:10:30.787 consider just going ahead and making that, the title of their story. 00:10:32.017 --> 00:10:36.127 I mean, I just think it would really, you know, if I was flipping through 00:10:36.132 --> 00:10:40.087 a table of contents or through a ma a magazine looking up the other offings, 00:10:40.092 --> 00:10:43.657 that would definitely, it would grab my attention and make me wanna 00:10:43.657 --> 00:10:45.967 read it even before the first line. 00:10:47.767 --> 00:10:48.577 That's a really good point. 00:10:48.577 --> 00:10:53.087 Actually, if you, if your story is in a collection, then you're going 00:10:53.087 --> 00:10:56.647 to get that's what you're going to up against, you know, you're you're, 00:10:57.547 --> 00:10:58.867 you need to catch people's eyes. 00:10:58.867 --> 00:11:03.787 So a good title and the, the mantra in this case, it was, it was nobody's 00:11:03.792 --> 00:11:06.637 dying today is the refrain that, that continues through this story. 00:11:06.637 --> 00:11:08.917 So if you compare that to the story, not today, which is kind 00:11:08.917 --> 00:11:14.737 of intriguing nobody's dying today could also be an intriguing title. 00:11:15.037 --> 00:11:15.877 So I really like this one. 00:11:15.877 --> 00:11:20.825 I thought that it was I thought it was, this was very polished. 00:11:22.897 --> 00:11:29.197 And let's see if there's anything I wanted to share in particular from this 00:11:36.847 --> 00:11:37.057 Yeah. 00:11:37.057 --> 00:11:41.527 And just, just being the 700 words, it allows you to not, it 00:11:41.527 --> 00:11:42.457 allows you to leave some gaps. 00:11:42.457 --> 00:11:44.017 Like we never really know what's Chas. 00:11:44.197 --> 00:11:48.427 It turns out somebody chasing this woman in, in this story, she's, she's in a world 00:11:48.427 --> 00:11:53.677 where things are, are there's obviously a, an antagonistic force and we never 00:11:53.677 --> 00:11:55.667 really find out what's chasing her. 00:11:56.141 --> 00:11:58.987 She's got a motivation that keeps pulling her through the whole story that we learn 00:11:58.987 --> 00:12:02.197 about very early on, which is somebody in her life that she loves, who she's 00:12:02.197 --> 00:12:05.227 gone out into the fields to collect these flowers off their maybe medicinal light. 00:12:05.227 --> 00:12:08.857 I'm not quite sure about that either, but I don't really care because it was, it 00:12:08.862 --> 00:12:12.037 was enough information and enough tension in the story to keep pulling me through. 00:12:12.997 --> 00:12:15.187 And payoff at the end was good. 00:12:15.192 --> 00:12:20.077 Cause we find out, you know, whether she escapes or whether she doesn't and we 00:12:20.077 --> 00:12:24.037 get to see, you know, we get a hint of what happens to the other person that 00:12:24.037 --> 00:12:25.387 she's been alluding to during the story. 00:12:25.387 --> 00:12:27.367 So everything tied up really well in this story. 00:12:27.367 --> 00:12:27.907 And I liked it. 00:12:28.177 --> 00:12:32.857 So thank you for submitting that one secret author. 00:12:35.301 --> 00:12:36.907 And then I think I'll move us on to talking. 00:12:38.212 --> 00:12:40.222 Cover up in Appalachian. 00:12:40.222 --> 00:12:42.260 Now this was an important story. 00:12:43.732 --> 00:12:48.592 It's a, a story about a promising black young man who's 00:12:48.592 --> 00:12:50.002 killed by a police officer. 00:12:50.512 --> 00:12:55.342 And obviously that's a story that is worth investigating and 00:12:55.342 --> 00:12:58.222 going into, with to help people. 00:12:58.282 --> 00:13:02.032 You know, this is where short stories can shine, where you, you 00:13:02.032 --> 00:13:05.812 take people into another life that you might not be able to live. 00:13:06.622 --> 00:13:14.182 And yet you, you might be able to experience and increase empathy for 00:13:14.182 --> 00:13:17.662 people who you might not be able to empathize with before you read the story. 00:13:17.662 --> 00:13:20.212 This happened a lot in a, in a few stories, there were 00:13:20.212 --> 00:13:23.632 characters having experiences that 00:13:27.262 --> 00:13:30.502 opened up that, that experience to me, there's one later on about anxiety, 00:13:30.502 --> 00:13:32.152 which really took me inside that. 00:13:32.152 --> 00:13:34.154 So this cover up an Appalachia story. 00:13:38.377 --> 00:13:42.187 It's a difficult trick because there's a, there's a mystery in it. 00:13:42.457 --> 00:13:43.327 There's kinda a mystery in it. 00:13:43.387 --> 00:13:48.667 The people aren't supposed to know, cuz it's a cover up who killed the victim. 00:13:49.627 --> 00:13:50.347 So it's difficult. 00:13:50.917 --> 00:13:55.837 You've gotta pick the right point of view character for this. 00:13:56.317 --> 00:14:00.667 And so I think there was, if there was one flaw with this story, I 00:14:00.667 --> 00:14:05.197 felt it felt a little bit more like reading a journalistic report. 00:14:06.351 --> 00:14:08.827 Because a lot of it was very hands off. 00:14:08.827 --> 00:14:11.977 It was lemme see, this is, I don't wanna just talk about this theoretically. 00:14:11.977 --> 00:14:13.687 Let's see if I can pull up an example. 00:14:17.741 --> 00:14:18.697 So 00:14:22.807 --> 00:14:25.057 you know, there's, there's a line that says no one in Weaver valley 00:14:25.057 --> 00:14:27.967 ever imagined a murder being committed in their small mountain town. 00:14:28.357 --> 00:14:32.107 The town was dealing with its first murder, which I. 00:14:33.157 --> 00:14:36.397 Which could be fine if it was coming from some particular character's 00:14:36.397 --> 00:14:41.617 voice, but this is a very OmniGen narrative, which is, is a point of view. 00:14:41.617 --> 00:14:45.907 That's fallen out of style and these days readers really 00:14:45.912 --> 00:14:47.917 want to be in someone's head. 00:14:48.847 --> 00:14:58.087 So I think this story could benefit because it's very I'm trying to, 00:14:58.087 --> 00:15:01.460 yeah, I probably should have put clips of these on, on for you. 00:15:02.414 --> 00:15:07.177 So for example, it starts actually with a. 00:15:08.737 --> 00:15:11.707 A scene at a graveyard, which is great, cuz you wanna be in scenes 00:15:11.707 --> 00:15:15.007 with the characters, but it wasn't clear whose point of view we were in. 00:15:15.007 --> 00:15:17.137 I think we needed to be in the point of view of the brother who 00:15:17.137 --> 00:15:19.057 was standing at the, at the casket. 00:15:19.057 --> 00:15:22.097 And then we get some guys, some local guys who were talking about it. 00:15:22.987 --> 00:15:23.737 Let's say that's him. 00:15:23.737 --> 00:15:26.767 One of the farmers noted in Timmy's direction, Timothy's direction. 00:15:27.067 --> 00:15:30.067 They had just read a bit of news relating to his death in the weekly newsletter. 00:15:30.367 --> 00:15:33.187 The weekly newsletter was pinned on the billboard, outside the office for more 00:15:33.187 --> 00:15:34.717 than 50 years, it was one of Weaver. 00:15:34.717 --> 00:15:36.277 Valley's main sources of printed news. 00:15:36.457 --> 00:15:40.477 So we're being told all this stuff by a narrator that we haven't met yet. 00:15:41.107 --> 00:15:46.657 And in short stories and in the current era, we kind of want a sense of who 00:15:46.717 --> 00:15:50.497 is talking to us, whether it's third person slightly removed, whether it's 00:15:50.497 --> 00:15:54.547 first person, but that Omni reader who can jump into every character's head 00:15:54.547 --> 00:15:55.567 and tell you what they're thinking. 00:15:55.777 --> 00:15:58.127 That's the style that's kind of outta fashion. 00:15:59.227 --> 00:16:03.817 Because we don't get to because we don't get to empathize with the characters. 00:16:04.402 --> 00:16:05.932 That deeply. 00:16:07.012 --> 00:16:11.452 I did like the fact that we're talking about black and white people, the author 00:16:12.112 --> 00:16:16.358 adhered to the new, newer grammatical rules of capitalizing, both of those. 00:16:17.182 --> 00:16:20.962 So that was, that was an interesting thing to notice, cuz that is 00:16:20.962 --> 00:16:25.282 the new, the new normal and, and they were going along with that. 00:16:26.332 --> 00:16:35.152 Other comments on this story, ladies I was going to say that one of that, it 00:16:35.662 --> 00:16:39.952 felt like an important story too, because it was a killing that was not taking 00:16:39.952 --> 00:16:44.152 place in a big city, but in a small town. 00:16:44.512 --> 00:16:48.292 So I felt like the author was maybe trying to point out, you know, it, 00:16:48.652 --> 00:16:53.722 we all know it's a pervasive problem, but we would tend to think of a rural 00:16:53.722 --> 00:16:56.482 community as that wouldn't be a problem. 00:16:56.512 --> 00:16:57.742 Everybody knows each other. 00:16:57.742 --> 00:16:58.112 Right. 00:16:58.822 --> 00:17:02.272 So I thought that that was a really interesting. 00:17:03.052 --> 00:17:06.082 And, and apt twist on their part. 00:17:07.522 --> 00:17:12.832 The thing I found difficult about the OmniGen view was that it, like you 00:17:12.837 --> 00:17:16.342 said, they were at the funeral and then there were two farmers talking and 00:17:17.182 --> 00:17:22.342 I was like, are the farmers like off the side of the road of the funeral? 00:17:22.342 --> 00:17:26.902 So I wanted a few, even if they just, even if the author decides 00:17:26.902 --> 00:17:32.332 not to change that point of view, I, I wanted just a few things here 00:17:32.332 --> 00:17:38.362 and there to anchor me physically where the action was taking place. 00:17:40.149 --> 00:17:45.262 Other than the scene of where the young black man gets shot. 00:17:45.322 --> 00:17:49.942 I, I never really, you know, and being told that we were in Weaver 00:17:49.942 --> 00:17:55.672 valley, I, I, I wasn't sure where it was happening and, and it doesn't 00:17:55.672 --> 00:18:03.172 have to be, you know, pages of, you know, Scenery chewing type writing. 00:18:03.172 --> 00:18:06.952 Just, just some little details here and there, I think would, 00:18:07.162 --> 00:18:08.272 would take care of that. 00:18:08.692 --> 00:18:13.102 And I enjoyed reading it and being from Western North Carolina, I do 00:18:13.102 --> 00:18:16.882 have to wonder if that's based on Weaverville, which is a real place. 00:18:17.302 --> 00:18:17.542 Okay. 00:18:17.547 --> 00:18:21.832 In North Carolina, I don't think we've revalued us anyway. 00:18:22.252 --> 00:18:22.822 That's what I thought. 00:18:23.272 --> 00:18:23.452 Yeah. 00:18:23.452 --> 00:18:26.152 And I felt like, because it was in such a particular place. 00:18:26.152 --> 00:18:28.642 I I wanted more, I wanted more voices. 00:18:28.642 --> 00:18:28.822 Right. 00:18:28.822 --> 00:18:33.412 I wanted to hear, oh, I wanted to hear the voice of the, the people, not like 00:18:33.412 --> 00:18:37.522 in dialect or anything, but just, I wanted to feel like I was in Appia I 00:18:37.522 --> 00:18:42.652 think I read Barbara King solver's flight behavior and it was set Appalachia and 00:18:42.652 --> 00:18:45.982 it wasn't like she was doing accents in the book, but like the way people 00:18:45.982 --> 00:18:49.462 talked, the things they talked about, I wanted to be in scenes with people, 00:18:49.552 --> 00:18:51.802 you know, like that, anything to add. 00:18:54.939 --> 00:18:56.752 The main thing that stood out. 00:18:57.127 --> 00:19:03.817 Is that to trust the dialogue that's done what it's doing, because it's 00:19:03.817 --> 00:19:09.727 such a powerful moment when, and you can really feel how terrible 00:19:09.732 --> 00:19:11.437 it would be for the mother. 00:19:12.037 --> 00:19:20.167 And she tells him to get out and then it says and then a certain says she told them 00:19:20.167 --> 00:19:23.917 to leave, but the dialogue made it clear. 00:19:23.917 --> 00:19:27.937 So to trust that dialogue, cause the dialogue is powerful and 00:19:27.942 --> 00:19:29.847 the moment is really important. 00:19:30.637 --> 00:19:32.137 And yeah. 00:19:32.137 --> 00:19:38.737 So if the dialogue's done that work to trust it, to just do that work, I guess. 00:19:38.767 --> 00:19:38.977 Yeah. 00:19:38.977 --> 00:19:41.527 So that's, I mean, I think I'm showing that on screen there, you've got the 00:19:41.527 --> 00:19:47.077 mother speaking and then the tag, he, the, the sort of, yeah, that's not here is 00:19:47.077 --> 00:19:50.606 explaining what just happened and you can, yeah, you can definitely trust the reader. 00:19:53.332 --> 00:19:57.172 Because it is such a, I think it just, it, it is such a powerful though. 00:19:57.472 --> 00:20:02.842 Obviously it's so nightmares to think about, and then you don't. 00:20:02.842 --> 00:20:03.262 Yeah. 00:20:03.322 --> 00:20:04.762 You don't need the explanation. 00:20:04.852 --> 00:20:06.412 I think it's clear already. 00:20:07.372 --> 00:20:12.322 That would be my, to, I think that's often a thing to trust, to trust what 00:20:12.322 --> 00:20:16.912 you've set up and it takes a while to, to learn that and to trust it. 00:20:16.912 --> 00:20:19.912 And you, you quite often do need pupils to say to you, you know, you've already 00:20:19.912 --> 00:20:23.632 said this here and let's move on. 00:20:23.902 --> 00:20:29.212 So I think this is also one of those stories where it may be that like 00:20:29.752 --> 00:20:33.382 the way it's written now in this, on this year, this happened, and that 00:20:33.382 --> 00:20:37.252 happened with a few scenes in it is you telling the story to yourself 00:20:37.612 --> 00:20:39.352 and there's a way for you to work. 00:20:40.117 --> 00:20:43.577 That brings the, the readers more into each scene. 00:20:44.434 --> 00:20:48.427 I think this is Timothy's story, the, the, the brother's story, because it starts 00:20:48.432 --> 00:20:51.157 with him at the graveyard and it ends with him in a different place at the end. 00:20:51.162 --> 00:20:51.887 So that was good. 00:20:52.915 --> 00:20:55.387 I don't think he can be the point of view character because. 00:20:55.822 --> 00:21:00.742 He can't see the murder, maybe the Latino kids get to tell part 00:21:00.742 --> 00:21:02.992 of the story in their voices. 00:21:03.982 --> 00:21:05.152 Maybe they should all have names. 00:21:06.820 --> 00:21:09.622 Maybe the cop that does the shooting gets to tell part of the story. 00:21:09.772 --> 00:21:12.952 I thought it also did a good job of not be, not making him like evil. 00:21:12.952 --> 00:21:15.592 He was actually kind of a victim too, which was interesting. 00:21:15.592 --> 00:21:18.052 There were some, there was one, one character I thought was pretty evil, 00:21:18.052 --> 00:21:21.382 but I thought it, you know, it showed some, some compassions on it anyway. 00:21:21.592 --> 00:21:26.602 So that's, that's a story that did, did a lot of what people always say, you 00:21:26.602 --> 00:21:30.562 know, show, don't tell this was doing a little too much telling, telling us what 00:21:30.562 --> 00:21:32.452 happened instead of taking us into scenes. 00:21:32.812 --> 00:21:36.202 And we just, I think we just all wanted more to be with the characters. 00:21:36.862 --> 00:21:38.242 So thank you for sharing that. 00:21:39.262 --> 00:21:48.832 I'm going to move us on to show up, which is a story that did a really good job of, 00:21:48.837 --> 00:21:50.842 and maybe I will share my screen here. 00:21:52.928 --> 00:21:53.602 That's the one. 00:21:55.462 --> 00:22:02.842 So this did a really good job of opening the story and letting us know where we 00:22:02.842 --> 00:22:07.042 were and who we were with very quickly. 00:22:07.192 --> 00:22:08.752 So this is it. 00:22:08.752 --> 00:22:11.812 And, and, and also showing us what was at stake very quickly. 00:22:11.962 --> 00:22:12.382 This is it. 00:22:12.382 --> 00:22:13.312 I'm showing up scared. 00:22:13.312 --> 00:22:14.452 I can do this, I can do this. 00:22:14.812 --> 00:22:15.562 I can't do this. 00:22:15.892 --> 00:22:19.642 And then we have Renee speaking in her own voice, pushing through the 00:22:19.642 --> 00:22:21.892 kids, waiting in a ticket lane, running for the bathroom, leaving 00:22:21.892 --> 00:22:23.122 her friends staring after her. 00:22:23.122 --> 00:22:27.892 I think at this point we don't exactly know turns out she's at a school dance. 00:22:27.892 --> 00:22:30.562 I don't think that would surprise anybody having read that opening. 00:22:30.567 --> 00:22:32.222 So that was a great setup for that. 00:22:33.692 --> 00:22:40.162 And so I think it does a very good job of creating the opening that 00:22:40.167 --> 00:22:43.942 sets us in place, tells us who we're with, tells us what their issue is 00:22:44.572 --> 00:22:46.612 and and gives us their voice as well. 00:22:46.612 --> 00:22:49.972 So Well done on that. 00:22:50.512 --> 00:22:52.222 Anybody want to add to that? 00:22:52.432 --> 00:22:55.042 I have some other things I could say, but I don't wanna do all the talking. 00:23:01.462 --> 00:23:03.682 I also thought the pacing in this, this is one of the ones where I was 00:23:03.682 --> 00:23:05.242 particularly struck by the pacing. 00:23:05.452 --> 00:23:08.542 Like every time I was curious, okay, what's going to happen next almost 00:23:08.547 --> 00:23:11.932 all the way through the, a, the author then moved the action onto the 00:23:11.932 --> 00:23:13.232 next thing I thought that was good. 00:23:13.972 --> 00:23:17.182 There was one part where she was talking to her friends and she felt 00:23:17.182 --> 00:23:18.412 like her friends had betrayed her. 00:23:18.412 --> 00:23:21.832 I thought if you needed to, so shorten this, that part, 00:23:22.372 --> 00:23:25.282 didn't have a huge impact on me. 00:23:26.452 --> 00:23:28.792 I think you could have skipped that if you wanted to tighten it up, 00:23:29.272 --> 00:23:32.032 didn't really matter that her, I mean, the other girls could have found 00:23:32.032 --> 00:23:33.652 out this secret about her anyway. 00:23:33.657 --> 00:23:35.602 You know, they could have found out just from observing her. 00:23:35.812 --> 00:23:38.152 Didn't need to be a betrayal by the friends so that didn't really pay off. 00:23:38.212 --> 00:23:39.172 I don't think later. 00:23:39.172 --> 00:23:42.472 So if you needed to shorten that there are pieces that you could. 00:23:47.287 --> 00:23:53.197 There was this, so this one ends up being about social anxiety and I think 00:23:53.197 --> 00:23:55.477 again, this is an important story, cuz not only was it entertaining and I 00:23:55.477 --> 00:23:58.057 cared about the character very early on. 00:23:58.057 --> 00:23:59.377 I was like, I hate the mean girls. 00:23:59.617 --> 00:24:02.357 And I actually like was like, I hate these girls and I was in the comments. 00:24:04.215 --> 00:24:06.907 And then at the end she learns stuff from, from another person, another 00:24:06.907 --> 00:24:11.377 kid at the school who teaches her some techniques for dealing with social anxiety 00:24:11.377 --> 00:24:15.277 or anxiety in general that she hadn't learned before this kid knew and had been 00:24:15.277 --> 00:24:19.687 practicing and it's, you know, and it, it all fitted in with the, the characters 00:24:19.687 --> 00:24:22.957 and their, you know, like little shy, eighth grade relationship developing. 00:24:23.317 --> 00:24:26.347 The only thing I think most of us just thought about that was when this other 00:24:26.347 --> 00:24:30.397 kid was talking, he sounded a little bit like a pamphlet that you might read rather 00:24:30.397 --> 00:24:35.287 than an eighth grader which only stood out because the rest of the dialogue was good. 00:24:35.497 --> 00:24:41.497 And, and they really did feel like kids and Michelle, who is not here 00:24:41.497 --> 00:24:44.437 this morning, but did read, it has taught for years and years. 00:24:44.437 --> 00:24:47.527 And she said, good job doing, you know, catching the, everything 00:24:47.527 --> 00:24:51.007 else felt really real that, that these could be eighth graders. 00:24:51.097 --> 00:24:51.457 So. 00:24:54.997 --> 00:24:55.177 Yeah. 00:24:55.182 --> 00:24:59.797 I felt the anxiety I was anxious as well. 00:25:01.177 --> 00:25:04.477 And I think you, you want your readers to be feeling stuff while 00:25:04.477 --> 00:25:06.037 you're, while they're reading. 00:25:06.967 --> 00:25:16.837 That's one of the things that will keep you from yeah, it'll, it'll just 00:25:16.837 --> 00:25:17.947 make, make much more of an impact. 00:25:17.947 --> 00:25:20.137 If you could think, be thinking about what's the reader feeling 00:25:20.407 --> 00:25:24.277 while they're reading this passage, anything to add there? 00:25:24.277 --> 00:25:28.927 Gabrielle, I was just going to say, yeah, it was really good at letting 00:25:28.987 --> 00:25:31.837 you know, letting me feel her anxiety. 00:25:33.007 --> 00:25:38.557 It made me think afterwards, I, and at not at all saying, I want this in the story. 00:25:38.562 --> 00:25:42.157 I'm just saying it made me wonder about her afterwards. 00:25:42.162 --> 00:25:48.577 Like, well, was there a particular thing that made her that anxious, 00:25:48.787 --> 00:25:51.217 you know, and I'm just saying that's like a really good sign. 00:25:51.637 --> 00:25:56.887 When you have your reader still thinking about your story, even after it's over. 00:25:57.277 --> 00:26:00.487 And, and for me, when I'm thinking about just in a speculative way, 00:26:00.492 --> 00:26:03.917 not in a, oh, I wish the author had done this or that or whatever. 00:26:04.807 --> 00:26:06.577 But yeah, I thought the pacing was great. 00:26:07.117 --> 00:26:11.647 I could totally relate to these characters being eighth graders. 00:26:13.087 --> 00:26:18.997 I, I did kind of feel like the part with the, with the best friends, maybe 00:26:19.057 --> 00:26:21.427 betraying her was a little unnecessary. 00:26:23.570 --> 00:26:27.397 And and I, I, I. 00:26:27.952 --> 00:26:32.302 Said that the dialogue between the main character and the young man who comes 00:26:32.302 --> 00:26:37.582 to, to talk to her about anxiety, slid a little into that afterschool special, 00:26:37.942 --> 00:26:43.852 which means more to Americans of a certain age than than anyone else. 00:26:43.857 --> 00:26:47.362 But yeah, they used to be these afterschool specials that were 00:26:47.362 --> 00:26:52.582 always like, had a great big, moral or lesson to teach you. 00:26:52.822 --> 00:26:54.262 And it was super obvious. 00:26:55.571 --> 00:27:02.752 But, but I, I thought it was also just mostly pretty Def in 00:27:02.752 --> 00:27:08.152 communicating stuff around anxiety and letting us go along for the ride. 00:27:08.152 --> 00:27:09.262 So I really enjoyed. 00:27:10.057 --> 00:27:13.597 And I want to say, and I know I said to put an ending on your story, especially 00:27:13.597 --> 00:27:17.287 for a first draft like this to put an ending on the story, you can have 00:27:17.287 --> 00:27:20.257 something that restates the theme, or you can have, you know, and this one 00:27:20.257 --> 00:27:23.167 ended tonight had not gone the way she wanted Renee was scared, but she would 00:27:23.167 --> 00:27:24.577 not regret showing up, which is great. 00:27:24.817 --> 00:27:26.917 And that's you like restating the theme? 00:27:27.427 --> 00:27:30.757 I think sometimes it slides into that after school, you know, special 00:27:30.757 --> 00:27:33.757 or ASAPS fable kind of thing, where you, you it's, I think it's 00:27:33.757 --> 00:27:35.827 fine to write an ending like that. 00:27:36.307 --> 00:27:40.387 It's worth looking at this and saying, is there anything from within the story 00:27:40.387 --> 00:27:43.537 that I discovered while I was writing that I could swap out for that, that 00:27:43.537 --> 00:27:50.047 would indicate that, but in a, in a more active way, like the actions that she's 00:27:50.047 --> 00:27:53.497 taking could show that and the reader would be like, I see what you did there. 00:27:53.617 --> 00:27:53.917 Okay. 00:27:54.187 --> 00:27:54.397 Got it. 00:27:54.577 --> 00:27:57.937 So that's worth looking at as well, so that you don't end up with that kind 00:27:57.937 --> 00:28:01.697 of like moral at the end of the tale, even though I think it's a legitimate 00:28:01.980 --> 00:28:03.967 technique for getting the story written. 00:28:06.292 --> 00:28:11.662 All right, I'm going to move us on to practical joker, which is a story 00:28:11.662 --> 00:28:16.222 about a kid who has some special powers and he is not using them for good. 00:28:17.122 --> 00:28:22.822 And he gets a little bit of a, a lesson from somebody who comes along into 00:28:22.827 --> 00:28:30.292 his life and shows him quite oops, shows him quite viscerally what he is. 00:28:30.592 --> 00:28:30.682 Oh, no. 00:28:30.682 --> 00:28:31.012 Stop. 00:28:31.942 --> 00:28:35.842 My timer refuses to a baby pause. 00:28:35.902 --> 00:28:36.022 Okay. 00:28:36.022 --> 00:28:36.442 Sorry from that. 00:28:36.982 --> 00:28:41.962 So this yeah, so this lesson gets a very visceral lesson on what he's been doing. 00:28:41.967 --> 00:28:46.552 It kinda gets turned back on him by this mysterious stranger turns up. 00:28:47.722 --> 00:28:54.682 I wasn't clear who the audience for this was with a kid protagonist, you 00:28:54.682 --> 00:28:56.992 tend to think the stories for kids. 00:28:57.682 --> 00:29:03.102 And as I'm thinking about it now, I'm not sure what's the language in this one. 00:29:04.492 --> 00:29:05.572 Kid suitable. 00:29:05.572 --> 00:29:06.472 Why need to check that? 00:29:06.472 --> 00:29:06.818 Actually? 00:29:07.579 --> 00:29:08.902 It was fairly simple language, actually. 00:29:08.902 --> 00:29:12.352 I think it probably was kid friendly. 00:29:12.622 --> 00:29:15.382 There were some places where we were confused about who was saying what, 00:29:15.382 --> 00:29:18.982 because there were two male characters and there were a lot of pronouns and 00:29:18.982 --> 00:29:22.012 this mysterious stranger turned up and we weren't sure was he the same person 00:29:22.012 --> 00:29:24.862 that the, the kid had interacted with at the beginning because the person 00:29:24.862 --> 00:29:27.682 at the beginning hadn't been given any, given any identifying features. 00:29:28.162 --> 00:29:29.651 So it turns out that one was a woman. 00:29:30.442 --> 00:29:31.372 We found that out later. 00:29:31.372 --> 00:29:34.072 So there were just some places where we were a little confused about what 00:29:34.072 --> 00:29:37.132 order things were happening in and, and who was, who was showing up. 00:29:38.662 --> 00:29:42.772 We also, I think everybody commented on this one, this kid is doing bad 00:29:42.772 --> 00:29:46.642 stuff with his superpowers, and we're not sure how to feel about him. 00:29:48.562 --> 00:29:53.602 We're not sure why he's doing it, what his motivation is. 00:29:54.112 --> 00:29:57.142 And I think if we knew what his motivation was, we would be able to 00:29:57.472 --> 00:30:00.092 have a bit more sympathy for him or. 00:30:01.672 --> 00:30:04.372 Not so you can play with stuff like that. 00:30:04.372 --> 00:30:09.202 You can, you can make a character unlikable and then you can reveal 00:30:09.202 --> 00:30:12.562 something about them that makes them suddenly a little bit more likable. 00:30:12.802 --> 00:30:14.542 Like this kid learns his lesson because somebody comes 00:30:14.542 --> 00:30:15.562 and turns the tables on him. 00:30:15.982 --> 00:30:18.382 But I still don't know, is he a good kid or a bad kid? 00:30:18.382 --> 00:30:22.942 So maybe understanding something about what, what was motivating him 00:30:22.942 --> 00:30:24.878 to go out and use his powers for evil? 00:30:26.092 --> 00:30:29.842 Would've been helpful, anything to add there? 00:30:32.602 --> 00:30:37.462 I think it might have also been, I, I thought the idea was interesting, you 00:30:37.462 --> 00:30:43.372 know, that this kid could have powers and just decide to use it to play what 00:30:43.372 --> 00:30:45.442 he saw as practical jokes on people. 00:30:45.472 --> 00:30:48.742 But when the tables were turned on, him was really terrifying 00:30:48.742 --> 00:30:51.592 stuff for the person receiving it. 00:30:53.051 --> 00:30:54.922 It would've helped me to know. 00:30:56.302 --> 00:30:59.752 Or maybe just another way to flesh out the character is said that Jimmy had been 00:30:59.757 --> 00:31:05.452 doing this for years, but we know Jimmy's still in school, but we don't and lives 00:31:05.457 --> 00:31:11.182 at home with his mom and dad, sister, but we don't know how old Jimmy is. 00:31:12.142 --> 00:31:21.022 So that also plays into what you know, it's different, right? 00:31:21.322 --> 00:31:26.182 If a six year old is doing this versus a 14 year old. 00:31:28.312 --> 00:31:28.552 Yeah. 00:31:29.576 --> 00:31:29.782 Gosh. 00:31:29.902 --> 00:31:33.292 Yeah, that will be one week to just even help us frame how we feel about him. 00:31:34.072 --> 00:31:35.992 You tend to be a little more forgiving of a six year old. 00:31:37.012 --> 00:31:41.692 And, and I was just going to say, because this character's not quite real to me, 00:31:41.752 --> 00:31:48.352 it's just kind of floating when the man comes and shows Charlie what it's like. 00:31:48.712 --> 00:31:50.452 And Charlie says, oh, that's it. 00:31:50.457 --> 00:31:51.532 I'll never do it again. 00:31:52.042 --> 00:31:53.142 I don't quite believe him. 00:31:54.382 --> 00:31:57.952 And maybe that, if that was the intent, then good job, you know? 00:31:59.875 --> 00:32:02.572 But yeah, I'm kind of like, mm you've been doing it for years. 00:32:02.572 --> 00:32:05.522 You have one harrowing experience with this guy and you're just 00:32:05.522 --> 00:32:07.432 going to give it all up and, yeah. 00:32:07.582 --> 00:32:11.602 Anyway but, but I just, I thought it was such a cool idea. 00:32:11.602 --> 00:32:13.462 So it was a lot of fun to read. 00:32:18.862 --> 00:32:19.162 Yep. 00:32:19.162 --> 00:32:24.382 So I'm going to then move us on to a story that does a really good 00:32:24.382 --> 00:32:26.032 job of setting the scene for us. 00:32:26.032 --> 00:32:28.372 We knew from the first line. 00:32:29.812 --> 00:32:32.302 Kinda what, what kind of story this was going to be and what kind of 00:32:32.302 --> 00:32:36.382 ride we written for no pun intended, because this is called the piano horse. 00:32:36.772 --> 00:32:42.052 And I am actually going to share the opening of this cuz you can see 00:32:42.052 --> 00:32:45.952 then oops, I've shown off the name. 00:32:46.402 --> 00:32:49.912 The horse was a piano or perhaps the piano, having gone tired of it. 00:32:49.912 --> 00:32:54.952 Sedentary life had decided to sprout wings sprout ahead, tail wings 00:32:55.102 --> 00:32:56.542 and become a horse either way. 00:32:56.542 --> 00:32:57.772 The piano horse is ivory. 00:32:57.772 --> 00:33:00.322 Who's rang out with dings and dogs that have clips and clubs. 00:33:00.682 --> 00:33:03.142 We've got, you know, just beautiful. 00:33:04.888 --> 00:33:08.152 The horse goes out into the village and, and we just accept 00:33:08.152 --> 00:33:09.082 that this is a piano horse. 00:33:09.082 --> 00:33:10.732 Now we're like, okay, got a horse. 00:33:11.332 --> 00:33:14.842 We're in magical fantasy ish world. 00:33:15.652 --> 00:33:17.902 Where they're a piano horses and. 00:33:20.032 --> 00:33:22.357 You know, we get to see the, the, how people react to it. 00:33:22.357 --> 00:33:26.557 We get these lovely scenes of beautiful music as the towns, folk dance joyfully. 00:33:26.977 --> 00:33:29.257 And then, you know, just as we're starting to think. 00:33:29.437 --> 00:33:33.047 Mm, well, this is nice, but what's the story. 00:33:34.057 --> 00:33:40.597 And evil guy turns up and he's he's suspicious and maybe we needed 00:33:40.597 --> 00:33:43.897 to know a little bit more about his motivations as it turns out. 00:33:44.737 --> 00:33:48.937 Cuz then that, that is the turning point for the story, which is this 00:33:48.942 --> 00:33:51.755 guy comes up and, you know, he wants the horse, he wants the piano horse. 00:33:53.497 --> 00:33:54.697 So I think all of us felt like. 00:33:55.597 --> 00:33:59.347 It was, it was beautiful and enchanting, and then yeah, there 00:33:59.347 --> 00:34:02.167 needed to be a big kind of like, but why am I reading this story? 00:34:02.167 --> 00:34:03.817 I said, oh, the guy's coming to the piano horse away. 00:34:03.817 --> 00:34:04.417 What's going to happen. 00:34:04.507 --> 00:34:06.007 And then you can't stop reading to the end. 00:34:06.397 --> 00:34:10.537 But I think all of us kind of wanted to know why the, why the guy was there. 00:34:11.167 --> 00:34:12.877 Like you might think it's obvious, it's a piano horse. 00:34:12.877 --> 00:34:14.587 He wants to take it and like make his fortune from it. 00:34:14.587 --> 00:34:17.467 But I think that needs to be said somewhere in the story. 00:34:18.367 --> 00:34:22.927 You know, because if you leave us to make our decision about it, maybe it 00:34:22.927 --> 00:34:26.827 was his piano horse, he's kidnapping it back, you know, but just don't 00:34:26.827 --> 00:34:29.947 leave the, the reader wondering too much is what I would say there. 00:34:31.477 --> 00:34:37.177 And I think there was a few of us felt like there was a lot of fun hanging out 00:34:37.177 --> 00:34:39.547 with the piano horse at the beginning and seeing all the things it could 00:34:39.547 --> 00:34:40.897 do and how people reacted to it. 00:34:40.927 --> 00:34:43.687 But maybe we wanted to get to that sense that the story was turning on 00:34:43.692 --> 00:34:48.607 something and where the menace came in and the guy came in just a smidge sooner. 00:34:49.717 --> 00:34:50.587 Anybody else? 00:34:52.267 --> 00:34:54.637 I just love the idea of the piano horse. 00:34:54.697 --> 00:34:59.737 I just say that's like, I really like that. 00:34:59.977 --> 00:35:00.127 Yeah. 00:35:00.127 --> 00:35:06.667 I just wanted more, like, I felt like I was, I don't no spoilers , but 00:35:06.667 --> 00:35:13.207 I, I was glad about the ending, but I felt like I needed something. 00:35:15.337 --> 00:35:16.057 I, I don't know. 00:35:16.057 --> 00:35:19.947 Like I was so glad that the townspeople were not like, oh, we're going to pun. 00:35:19.947 --> 00:35:21.337 We're going to do something terrible horse. 00:35:21.337 --> 00:35:22.087 Like the town. 00:35:22.177 --> 00:35:23.317 I was really glad about that. 00:35:23.317 --> 00:35:27.937 Cuz that seemed more stereotypical, but I wanted something else at the end. 00:35:27.942 --> 00:35:29.287 More like what ha. 00:35:30.577 --> 00:35:31.537 Something changes. 00:35:32.017 --> 00:35:35.257 Let's just say something changes in this story, which changed my 00:35:35.257 --> 00:35:37.147 perception of the piano horse. 00:35:37.777 --> 00:35:39.997 And I wasn't quite sure how to feel about it at the end. 00:35:40.387 --> 00:35:40.597 Right. 00:35:40.667 --> 00:35:43.357 Do the people do the people have that same? 00:35:43.357 --> 00:35:44.347 Do they know? 00:35:44.617 --> 00:35:45.577 I have questions. 00:35:45.577 --> 00:35:48.757 So I think that if the PE if I could see the reaction of the 00:35:48.787 --> 00:35:53.347 tones people, then I would know I was reacting in the right way. 00:35:53.347 --> 00:35:55.327 So just like, it was quite subtle. 00:35:55.567 --> 00:35:58.327 And it was, I liked the fact that it was quite subtle, the change at the 00:35:58.327 --> 00:36:03.247 end, but I just, I felt like if you can have witnesses telling the reader, yeah. 00:36:03.307 --> 00:36:06.127 You're not the only one that feels like this, then you're on the right track. 00:36:06.217 --> 00:36:06.517 Yeah. 00:36:09.787 --> 00:36:12.847 And after that, we just have one more story to talk about, and then I'm 00:36:12.847 --> 00:36:16.417 going to like have a little, we can ask questions, have a little discussion, 00:36:16.417 --> 00:36:19.826 and then I've got like a little little pep talk at the end for you. 00:36:20.557 --> 00:36:24.427 So the last story is actually was written by Marta. 00:36:24.967 --> 00:36:30.157 And so she's probably not going to say too much about it, but she might And I think 00:36:30.307 --> 00:36:35.857 this one felt a little different for me to read because I have read Marta's stuff 00:36:35.857 --> 00:36:38.407 before, and I know what she's capable of. 00:36:38.407 --> 00:36:44.467 I know how she approaches writing and revising and stuff like that. 00:36:44.467 --> 00:36:48.907 So I don't know if you, if anyone will notice the difference between how 00:36:48.907 --> 00:36:53.857 I talk about this one, but this one opens with a, a good opening line too. 00:36:53.857 --> 00:36:57.037 Like Roman waited until the celebrations were over to lead the 00:36:57.042 --> 00:36:59.767 castle and see if her family were dead. 00:37:00.757 --> 00:37:00.937 Right. 00:37:01.297 --> 00:37:04.807 Because that's a kinda opening line that you, you have to keep reading. 00:37:04.812 --> 00:37:07.597 The job of the opening line is to make you want to read the next line. 00:37:07.777 --> 00:37:10.777 And I think that one definitely fulfills that job. 00:37:13.357 --> 00:37:17.317 This is we've heard that, you know, the celebrations were over. 00:37:17.917 --> 00:37:20.467 We know our protagonist is called Romana. 00:37:20.677 --> 00:37:22.237 She's, there's a celebration going on. 00:37:22.447 --> 00:37:23.917 She's going to leave the castle. 00:37:24.097 --> 00:37:27.907 So we're probably in some kind of fairy tale or either 00:37:27.912 --> 00:37:29.857 historic or fairy tale world. 00:37:30.547 --> 00:37:34.417 And she thinks her family might be dead, which makes it, you know, more 00:37:34.417 --> 00:37:36.337 old school fairy tale than Disney. 00:37:40.147 --> 00:37:43.447 So she goes off kind of on a quest and as she goes off on this quest, 00:37:43.452 --> 00:37:48.547 we learn about what's been happening and why her family might be dead. 00:37:49.147 --> 00:37:52.327 And it, it plays on traditional fairy tales. 00:37:53.395 --> 00:37:55.277 Gabrielle you chime in here. 00:37:57.570 --> 00:37:58.057 Did you read this one? 00:37:58.777 --> 00:38:00.007 Yes, I read this one. 00:38:00.187 --> 00:38:02.587 It was, yeah, it was really cool. 00:38:02.587 --> 00:38:10.067 It was you know, it was sleeping beauty, but Roman, our. 00:38:11.617 --> 00:38:15.847 Hero of this story is one of the servants in the castle. 00:38:16.327 --> 00:38:16.747 Right. 00:38:17.407 --> 00:38:21.277 So what I just love the idea of, oh yeah. 00:38:21.337 --> 00:38:25.117 Like we never knew in the original fairytale because they're just 00:38:25.117 --> 00:38:29.737 the servants, but how did those people feel about being caught 00:38:29.857 --> 00:38:32.017 up asleep for a hundred years? 00:38:32.527 --> 00:38:41.107 So I, and I, I thought that the pilgrimage for, you know, is one of those things. 00:38:41.377 --> 00:38:42.517 It was so relatable. 00:38:42.517 --> 00:38:47.467 Romano is like, yes, I understand there is literally no chance that 00:38:47.467 --> 00:38:51.457 my family is actually still alive, but I have to see for myself. 00:38:52.957 --> 00:38:57.637 And I just felt like that was like just relatable on a human level for 00:38:57.637 --> 00:39:02.167 those things that, that, you know, with your head are true, but you, your 00:39:02.172 --> 00:39:04.957 heart does not wanna believe, you know? 00:39:04.987 --> 00:39:06.967 So I thought that was really cool. 00:39:07.927 --> 00:39:08.197 Yeah. 00:39:08.197 --> 00:39:12.937 And I, I um, One of the things I noticed in this story that I wanted to highlight 00:39:12.937 --> 00:39:17.707 is that if you say something that the reader's going to have questions about, 00:39:18.487 --> 00:39:21.757 you really have to answer that objection before they get distracted by it. 00:39:21.762 --> 00:39:27.607 So in this story Roman's walking and she's thinking about her mother singing to her. 00:39:27.612 --> 00:39:29.947 And she said, you know, she says at her mother at night, she's saying the 00:39:29.947 --> 00:39:33.997 loveliest lullabies Ram tried to remember them, how wonderful to recall just a 00:39:33.997 --> 00:39:36.817 few bars and already my brain was going. 00:39:36.817 --> 00:39:39.667 But like, surely if you were asleep for a hundred years, it would just feel like 00:39:39.817 --> 00:39:42.547 you, you were just were awake yesterday and you would remember everything. 00:39:42.552 --> 00:39:46.687 And I just like started to form that thought in my head, but the next line 00:39:46.687 --> 00:39:48.277 is, but the long sleep had her memory. 00:39:48.817 --> 00:39:54.427 So you've got And immediate, like, don't get distracted by that. 00:39:54.427 --> 00:39:55.057 I got an answer. 00:39:55.117 --> 00:39:55.987 That's a reason for that. 00:39:56.287 --> 00:40:00.427 And I think if you get feedback from people and they're like, I was wondering 00:40:00.427 --> 00:40:03.637 why that happened or that took me outta the story, this is a great way to do it. 00:40:03.637 --> 00:40:05.107 You just sort of like highlight it and go, yeah. 00:40:05.112 --> 00:40:05.827 Well, here's the reason. 00:40:07.117 --> 00:40:08.407 And you don't really have to explain it. 00:40:08.677 --> 00:40:09.547 It's it's fine. 00:40:09.817 --> 00:40:13.567 And then something else in this story that one of the other readers commented on was 00:40:13.777 --> 00:40:17.017 something else I want to just highlight and, and bring to your awareness. 00:40:17.017 --> 00:40:20.797 As you're writing stories is having changes of rhythm. 00:40:21.307 --> 00:40:27.517 So we've got these long, you know, long kind of melodic sentences. 00:40:27.522 --> 00:40:30.697 No one worked the tiny gardens, no children ran about the trees or 00:40:30.697 --> 00:40:33.277 laundry hanging from the string, but the sight of the new world. 00:40:33.757 --> 00:40:35.857 And then we've got, it had been a hundred years. 00:40:36.007 --> 00:40:36.577 It was not a. 00:40:37.192 --> 00:40:38.152 It was not a trick. 00:40:38.422 --> 00:40:42.142 And like she's having this emotional realization and the language changes. 00:40:42.472 --> 00:40:46.042 It's like a series of punches and the language gets punchy as well. 00:40:46.702 --> 00:40:51.652 So that's something definitely to bear in mind, as you are trying to evoke emotions 00:40:51.652 --> 00:40:59.302 in readers using the actual rhythm of the language can be incredibly effective. 00:41:01.252 --> 00:41:05.782 I think this story had the theme of a lemon cake running through it. 00:41:05.782 --> 00:41:07.642 There was a lemon cake at the beginning, which wasn't good, 00:41:07.942 --> 00:41:08.842 and a lemon cake at the end. 00:41:08.842 --> 00:41:12.322 It was and that was, it's always nice to have that repetition. 00:41:13.042 --> 00:41:19.012 And I think the only thing that I, all of the readers wanted was 00:41:19.012 --> 00:41:22.402 at the end we wanted, we, you know, there's a nice sense of. 00:41:23.437 --> 00:41:25.417 Change at the end, some things change. 00:41:25.417 --> 00:41:28.267 Roman gets some of, some of what she, she wanted to know. 00:41:28.267 --> 00:41:33.277 She gets knowledge and there's a nice the last line ties into the theme. 00:41:33.282 --> 00:41:35.377 She says, thank you to the old woman I'm awake. 00:41:35.407 --> 00:41:40.087 And so I, I think there were a couple of things in here, the theme 00:41:40.087 --> 00:41:44.897 of sleep and being awake that could maybe come up more on her walk. 00:41:45.667 --> 00:41:48.757 She's being she's trudging along. 00:41:48.757 --> 00:41:49.387 There was another story. 00:41:49.387 --> 00:41:54.517 The there was another story that had a good, you know, like that sense of 00:41:54.517 --> 00:42:01.117 when you're walking and it just the Which story was it the not today where 00:42:01.117 --> 00:42:04.147 the characters running away from people had this sense that like your legs are 00:42:04.147 --> 00:42:05.287 just pumping and you're just moving. 00:42:05.287 --> 00:42:06.817 And it's like, you're an automatic pilot. 00:42:07.117 --> 00:42:09.997 And I wondered, you know, like in this story, she's coming out of sleep. 00:42:10.002 --> 00:42:14.647 And so as she's walking, is there any of that sleepiness and then at the, because 00:42:14.652 --> 00:42:16.049 the payoff at the end is she's awake. 00:42:16.571 --> 00:42:19.147 And I think we wanted to know who the woman was that she met. 00:42:19.447 --> 00:42:20.647 And was she a distant relative? 00:42:20.647 --> 00:42:22.477 We were rooting for her to be a distant relative. 00:42:22.957 --> 00:42:26.497 I think it felt like we wanted, we wanted her to find someone no 00:42:26.502 --> 00:42:29.977 matter how distantly connected, but maybe we're just all romantics. 00:42:30.007 --> 00:42:32.347 You could thwart that entirely up to you. 00:42:32.437 --> 00:42:33.337 Look that evil smile. 00:42:39.607 --> 00:42:41.887 So those were the, some of the stories that we read, these stories were 00:42:41.887 --> 00:42:48.697 written in a week, folks and everybody wrote about something important. 00:42:48.727 --> 00:42:51.097 Everybody shared a human experience. 00:42:52.125 --> 00:42:55.987 I want to ask, I'm going to let anybody who's here who was writing and has 00:42:55.992 --> 00:42:57.607 questions or has questions about anything? 00:42:57.667 --> 00:43:00.697 We discussed, ask questions in a second, but first of all, I want to 00:43:00.697 --> 00:43:03.067 talk to our readers or anyone else. 00:43:03.067 --> 00:43:06.217 Who's I see some other superstars here who we do this, right? 00:43:06.217 --> 00:43:07.757 We do this three times a year for each other. 00:43:09.411 --> 00:43:11.827 How the experience of reading these stories for you? 00:43:11.827 --> 00:43:12.937 Did it feel like a burden? 00:43:12.942 --> 00:43:14.407 Did you get anything out of it? 00:43:20.153 --> 00:43:27.697 I like, I love critique week reading the other story, seeing what other people do. 00:43:27.787 --> 00:43:33.337 Sometimes I helps me think of, oh, that's a good way to do that in this 00:43:33.337 --> 00:43:40.967 story, I could do something similar gets me to see my own stories differently. 00:43:42.667 --> 00:43:47.827 And also side note is every story I've had published since being part of 00:43:47.827 --> 00:43:49.777 story day, went through critique week. 00:43:51.787 --> 00:43:56.647 like the feedback was very helpful, extremely helpful. 00:43:56.647 --> 00:44:01.027 So so those reasons it's been valuable to me. 00:44:01.507 --> 00:44:04.627 I suspect it's also like, not even just the feedback that you get from people 00:44:04.627 --> 00:44:07.057 in the group though, but the process of critiquing other people's stories, 00:44:07.057 --> 00:44:10.337 like you said, you're like, Ooh, I could, that, that might, you know, so. 00:44:11.347 --> 00:44:14.407 You tend to, I tend to comment on stuff for other people that 00:44:14.407 --> 00:44:15.637 I'm working on in my own writing. 00:44:17.407 --> 00:44:20.557 And then I'm like, oh, maybe if I tried this, you know? 00:44:21.187 --> 00:44:21.337 Yeah. 00:44:21.337 --> 00:44:25.147 I think it makes, it makes, it's just like having students peer review, right? 00:44:25.147 --> 00:44:30.337 You look at something and you learn things and it makes you stronger and 00:44:30.337 --> 00:44:36.697 also teaches you to under how to handle people's feedback as well, because you're 00:44:36.697 --> 00:44:41.197 giving feedback, which is also important. 00:44:43.687 --> 00:44:44.197 That's a good point. 00:44:44.197 --> 00:44:47.437 And that is why one of the reasons why when I run when I run 00:44:47.437 --> 00:44:50.707 critique groups, you have to be submitting to be allowed to comment. 00:44:50.707 --> 00:44:51.457 This is an exception. 00:44:51.457 --> 00:44:51.757 Actually. 00:44:51.757 --> 00:44:53.287 I asked a couple of people to help me out with this. 00:44:55.716 --> 00:44:58.702 Just to make sure, you know, I wasn't, it wasn't just one voice. 00:44:59.286 --> 00:45:01.462 But usually when I run critique groups, I make sure that people have 00:45:01.732 --> 00:45:05.432 submitted a story too, because you are just a little more aware that 00:45:05.432 --> 00:45:07.852 you're going to be hearing from other people as you make your comments. 00:45:07.852 --> 00:45:10.732 You're like, I will think of a nice way to say this. 00:45:12.082 --> 00:45:16.072 This could be stronger rather than this is total nonsense, which you know, 00:45:19.492 --> 00:45:24.862 well, how to give constructive feedback is, is just a good skill I 00:45:24.862 --> 00:45:27.022 think, to have in life in general. 00:45:28.222 --> 00:45:35.722 But yeah, in critique week it's also, you know, it's so much fun 00:45:35.722 --> 00:45:39.832 to read all the stories and it's cool to comment them on them. 00:45:39.837 --> 00:45:43.252 And there's also all these, I don't wanna say selfish reasons, but 00:45:43.257 --> 00:45:47.392 self-motivated reasons for doing it because it helps you look at your own 00:45:47.392 --> 00:45:50.272 writing in that different way too. 00:45:50.992 --> 00:45:57.202 And If you have like more than one reader, point something out then 00:45:57.592 --> 00:46:02.002 that really, you know, point the same thing out then you're like, oh, okay. 00:46:02.032 --> 00:46:06.082 So that's not just, someone's subjective opinion. 00:46:06.082 --> 00:46:09.622 There there's really something here that I need to fix. 00:46:09.622 --> 00:46:13.942 And that's always interesting, but just in general, I love reading new stories. 00:46:13.942 --> 00:46:18.172 So, you know, I think we're, so I was having this conversation with someone 00:46:18.172 --> 00:46:22.162 in here recently where, you know, I'm going to be reading the back of the 00:46:22.162 --> 00:46:27.502 ketchup bottle if I'm at a restaurant and forgot to bring a book, you know? 00:46:27.507 --> 00:46:33.142 So it's just and, and I loved different people's voices, you know, 00:46:33.142 --> 00:46:35.812 just like being astonished by wow. 00:46:35.872 --> 00:46:39.232 Like I never would've, I never would've thought of that. 00:46:39.237 --> 00:46:41.602 I could never write something this way. 00:46:41.607 --> 00:46:46.732 Just all the unique voices is that's one of the best parts of it. 00:46:48.417 --> 00:46:51.082 also to piggyback on that too. 00:46:51.112 --> 00:46:56.632 You said, as you said, when you have multiple people say point out a similar, 00:46:56.662 --> 00:47:01.732 you know, they all kind of like this didn't work can be really helpful. 00:47:01.942 --> 00:47:04.492 It's also interesting when you have different perspectives. 00:47:04.492 --> 00:47:08.002 Cuz I've had stories where one person's like this didn't work for 00:47:08.032 --> 00:47:10.042 me, but someone else is like that. 00:47:10.102 --> 00:47:11.542 That was my favorite part. 00:47:12.892 --> 00:47:17.272 which could be like, oh no, like kind of confusing, but also makes me think 00:47:17.272 --> 00:47:19.432 more about what I want from the story. 00:47:20.737 --> 00:47:24.427 you know, and then, you know, which, which vision do I have for it. 00:47:24.517 --> 00:47:25.987 So that's also helpful. 00:47:26.737 --> 00:47:26.827 Yeah. 00:47:26.827 --> 00:47:31.207 I thought it was interesting when we were reviewing Martha's story Michelle 00:47:31.207 --> 00:47:34.537 was doing like textual analysis and she was like, oh, here's the turning point? 00:47:34.537 --> 00:47:37.627 You know, cuz she was an analyzing story structure and Gabrielle 00:47:37.632 --> 00:47:41.707 who writes, you know, fantastical stuff as well was spotting all 00:47:41.707 --> 00:47:45.157 the bits where it was adhering to fantasy and fairy tale stories. 00:47:45.397 --> 00:47:47.797 And I was just in there going Ooh and Ooh, yum. 00:47:47.977 --> 00:47:49.867 And like having an emotional reaction to stuff. 00:47:49.867 --> 00:47:54.157 So like , it was kind of fun to see all the different types of feedback that are 00:47:54.157 --> 00:47:58.957 helpful perhaps for readers to a writer to see how readers are reacting to it. 00:47:59.017 --> 00:48:01.717 So yes, we're Robin. 00:48:02.827 --> 00:48:07.927 I did not have the pleasure of reading these stories, but even in this hour 00:48:07.932 --> 00:48:15.427 I got so much, I got feedback on point of view on dialogue on characters. 00:48:15.832 --> 00:48:17.752 On social issues. 00:48:18.809 --> 00:48:20.632 I was just making notes like crazy. 00:48:20.632 --> 00:48:23.992 Now, of course, I wanna read all these stories, but that's one 00:48:23.992 --> 00:48:25.852 great thing we do at story a day. 00:48:26.452 --> 00:48:30.352 We just talk about craft and what works and what's fun. 00:48:31.254 --> 00:48:34.012 You know, I was writing down eighth grade point of view. 00:48:35.332 --> 00:48:40.612 So just being in the company of other writers and readers is just so great. 00:48:40.912 --> 00:48:41.542 So great. 00:48:41.542 --> 00:48:47.452 So I just welcome to everyone who gave stories and I applaud your bravery 00:48:47.452 --> 00:48:51.772 cuz it's not an easy thing to do, but we're very kind at story today. 00:48:53.782 --> 00:48:54.292 for sure. 00:48:54.292 --> 00:48:54.802 Thanks Robin. 00:48:55.472 --> 00:49:01.942 Does anybody else have any questions about writing in general about this experience? 00:49:03.412 --> 00:49:06.142 Anything you want to know, any of the writers of the stories 00:49:06.142 --> 00:49:07.462 have any questions for us? 00:49:07.462 --> 00:49:08.962 I dunno if you want to out yourselves. 00:49:15.967 --> 00:49:23.677 I'll say a quick echo of Robin Robin's sentiment that meeting with other writers 00:49:23.767 --> 00:49:34.027 and listening to critiques and what you want from stories is so helpful to keep 00:49:34.027 --> 00:49:36.157 you in the mindset of being a writer. 00:49:36.727 --> 00:49:40.837 If that makes sense, like it, you internalize a lot of things, 00:49:40.837 --> 00:49:44.737 but it also keeps you searching for those things all the time. 00:49:45.007 --> 00:49:50.557 I find that to be very true, like I said, I didn't, I also didn't have a, 00:49:50.617 --> 00:49:55.927 the, the, I, I wasn't able to reach all stories, but it, it was really nice to 00:49:55.927 --> 00:50:04.087 hear what works and what doesn't work and what kind of feelings they bring up for. 00:50:04.877 --> 00:50:11.107 You know when people do so anyway, it is a great and wonderful group and it really 00:50:12.067 --> 00:50:15.907 has been so helpful for me to be part of. 00:50:15.967 --> 00:50:18.457 So, hi, welcome. 00:50:20.617 --> 00:50:21.320 thank you. 00:50:21.918 --> 00:50:22.357 Christina. 00:50:22.362 --> 00:50:22.687 Yeah. 00:50:22.687 --> 00:50:29.617 I mean, just keeping that mindset is, is probably the, the most difficult part of 00:50:29.707 --> 00:50:33.337 being a writer and, you know, and, you know, coming I'm, I'm so glad that you're 00:50:33.337 --> 00:50:37.237 all here today because although you didn't all get to read the stories and you, 00:50:37.242 --> 00:50:43.657 you've probably heard a ton of this advice before, but just hearing it over and 00:50:43.657 --> 00:50:48.067 over again and hearing different examples of how it can be put into practice. 00:50:48.817 --> 00:50:52.327 It hits you differently every time depending on what you're working on, 00:50:52.627 --> 00:50:54.037 depending on what stage you're at. 00:50:54.877 --> 00:50:59.377 So things that you've, you know, things you've heard for years suddenly makes 00:50:59.407 --> 00:51:01.657 sense and things that you used to go, wow. 00:51:01.657 --> 00:51:02.197 You're like, yeah. 00:51:02.197 --> 00:51:02.347 Okay. 00:51:02.347 --> 00:51:02.827 I got that now. 00:51:03.337 --> 00:51:03.757 And then. 00:51:04.327 --> 00:51:07.087 Getting all that different feedback, like, you know, contradictory feedback 00:51:07.087 --> 00:51:10.567 really helps you hone your instincts and like, well, yeah, that's, that's that 00:51:10.567 --> 00:51:13.867 one I can ignore because I know what I want the story to be now, which you 00:51:13.867 --> 00:51:15.127 don't always know when you're writing. 00:51:15.307 --> 00:51:15.607 So 00:51:21.967 --> 00:51:27.037 any other questions for people from people? 00:51:27.967 --> 00:51:28.747 This is your chance. 00:51:30.347 --> 00:51:32.047 You have a bunch of writers here. 00:51:32.047 --> 00:51:37.837 You've got a, an issue that's nagging at you or something you're struggling with 00:51:39.097 --> 00:51:40.507 and you can put it in the comments too. 00:51:40.507 --> 00:51:45.457 If you are shy and don't wanna be on camera, I'll give it a minute. 00:51:45.457 --> 00:51:45.727 There. 00:51:51.482 --> 00:51:52.462 Good question. 00:51:52.612 --> 00:51:53.092 Yes. 00:51:53.092 --> 00:51:53.602 Hey Jeanette. 00:51:53.852 --> 00:51:54.412 Sorry. 00:51:54.772 --> 00:51:55.132 Yeah. 00:51:55.137 --> 00:51:55.852 Am you saying your name right? 00:51:55.852 --> 00:51:57.202 Is it, is it Jeanette or Jean? 00:51:57.202 --> 00:51:57.292 Yeah. 00:51:57.682 --> 00:51:58.042 Jeanette. 00:51:58.072 --> 00:51:58.442 Yeah. 00:51:59.483 --> 00:52:04.162 So you mentioned earlier that kind of the OmniGen point of view is out of style. 00:52:05.722 --> 00:52:10.042 What are you, what are your thoughts on kind of balancing writing to what's 00:52:10.042 --> 00:52:12.622 in style versus writing to your style? 00:52:12.622 --> 00:52:14.572 Like how do we find the happy medium? 00:52:15.382 --> 00:52:17.902 I have a real soft spot for the ammunition point of view. 00:52:17.902 --> 00:52:19.852 So I, yeah, I understand that. 00:52:19.852 --> 00:52:27.502 That's when I'm like I think it's worth listening to people who 00:52:27.502 --> 00:52:31.282 say things like that, because if, especially if you want, if you. 00:52:32.062 --> 00:52:33.382 Depends on what you want to do, right? 00:52:33.382 --> 00:52:37.552 If you desperately wanna get published then, and if you have a particular 00:52:37.612 --> 00:52:40.882 publication that you desperately wanna get published in, then you should 00:52:40.887 --> 00:52:44.122 go and inhale the, you know, as many issues of that, as you can get your 00:52:44.122 --> 00:52:47.662 hands on and absorb what works for them and tailor your voice to the 00:52:47.662 --> 00:52:51.562 things that they usually publish, that makes it feel a bit like a job. 00:52:52.702 --> 00:53:01.852 So it's worth listening to what's in fashion and why. 00:53:03.772 --> 00:53:08.812 So I think the reason that OmniGen is outta fashion is, is because it does keep 00:53:08.812 --> 00:53:12.352 the reader a little bit at arms length and it can be used very effectively. 00:53:12.352 --> 00:53:14.842 I mean, I think Terry project uses it incredibly effectively 00:53:14.842 --> 00:53:16.402 used it incredibly effectively. 00:53:16.882 --> 00:53:20.948 So do but it can be done really badly. 00:53:21.472 --> 00:53:24.712 And it can just end up reading like a, like a newspaper report. 00:53:25.702 --> 00:53:27.712 So I think that's one of, you know, so think about that. 00:53:27.712 --> 00:53:30.402 If you, if you're determined that you wanna write in that voice, then. 00:53:31.312 --> 00:53:34.792 Figure out why it's not working and then, and balance that with yours. 00:53:35.152 --> 00:53:39.082 I, I think the most important thing, regardless of trends or what's, 00:53:39.082 --> 00:53:44.152 what's hitting now is finding your voice and figuring out what it is 00:53:44.212 --> 00:53:46.282 that, that you bring to stories. 00:53:46.762 --> 00:53:48.352 And I don't think you can decide that. 00:53:48.352 --> 00:53:50.602 I think you just have to discover it by writing a lot. 00:53:51.532 --> 00:54:01.072 And then by sharing and being more, we have somebody in the community here 00:54:01.102 --> 00:54:05.812 who is an advocate, strong advocate of leaning into your weird, right. 00:54:05.812 --> 00:54:07.552 That took them a while to figure it out. 00:54:07.762 --> 00:54:12.172 And then once they figured out that like embracing their weird and being 00:54:12.172 --> 00:54:16.612 more weird, being there kind of weird was that was when things got good 00:54:16.702 --> 00:54:18.062 and when things started to work. 00:54:19.174 --> 00:54:26.182 So I definitely think trying to find your voice is the, I have a question. 00:54:26.182 --> 00:54:29.832 Why do you think first person is more. 00:54:30.622 --> 00:54:35.632 In style right now, I think it's because there was a massive 00:54:35.632 --> 00:54:41.062 surge in young adult publishing in the 2000 early two thousands. 00:54:41.872 --> 00:54:45.382 And I think that we tell stories in the first person all the time I 00:54:45.382 --> 00:54:47.062 went to the shop, I did this thing. 00:54:47.422 --> 00:54:48.562 Oh, let me tell you what happened. 00:54:48.567 --> 00:54:51.952 When I, I got together with my crazy friends and we tell things in the 00:54:51.952 --> 00:54:55.432 first person, and it's very immediate and you get to be in the person's 00:54:55.432 --> 00:55:02.902 head all the time and you get to play with the, the conflict between 00:55:03.592 --> 00:55:07.312 external, how I'm presenting myself to the world and my internal commentary. 00:55:07.492 --> 00:55:09.392 You know what I really think about those girls I'm talking to. 00:55:10.372 --> 00:55:14.362 So I think that's, it's very immediate and it lets the readers make an 00:55:14.422 --> 00:55:18.682 instant connection with the character it's limiting in that you can only 00:55:18.687 --> 00:55:22.492 see and feel and know what the, the first person character is saying. 00:55:23.002 --> 00:55:27.322 So it takes some skill, but I think it's a very relatable point of view because 00:55:27.322 --> 00:55:28.412 it's how we all talk to each other. 00:55:31.012 --> 00:55:39.832 I think it also gave rise to a lot of the unreliable narrator too, which 00:55:39.832 --> 00:55:46.942 is, you know, you can do with first person and is incredibly hard to do. 00:55:47.002 --> 00:55:52.132 And yet let the reader know at the same time that this is an unreliable 00:55:52.132 --> 00:55:56.782 narrator and going back to the first, like, but what if, what if my style is 00:55:56.787 --> 00:55:59.992 to write in OmniGen then get really good? 00:56:00.892 --> 00:56:06.322 You know, I mean, you can break any rule or, or style or trend you want, 00:56:06.502 --> 00:56:10.702 if your writing is compelling enough and done well enough, Terry PRT is 00:56:10.702 --> 00:56:15.982 a perfect case in point, although I suppose he was writing Omni mission 00:56:16.402 --> 00:56:18.772 before this newest trend started. 00:56:18.832 --> 00:56:21.742 So yeah, just do it really well. 00:56:22.822 --> 00:56:23.362 I would agree. 00:56:28.327 --> 00:56:30.247 Yeah, I like you's comment here. 00:56:30.247 --> 00:56:33.667 I, I find sharing my writing with others makes me feel energized to write more. 00:56:33.727 --> 00:56:34.087 Yay. 00:56:34.207 --> 00:56:34.657 That me too. 00:56:35.397 --> 00:56:38.137 And then Martin, why do you think you never really write in first person? 00:56:38.227 --> 00:56:39.727 Do you ever have you thought about it? 00:56:44.110 --> 00:56:48.067 Oh yeah, because I know it is kind of more, more the thing. 00:56:48.067 --> 00:56:48.487 Right? 00:56:48.517 --> 00:56:51.427 First person, I don't like the limit. 00:56:52.867 --> 00:56:56.887 I wanna be able to write about parts that the character doesn't know. 00:56:57.037 --> 00:57:03.157 Cuz I like to, I typically then if I write in first person, I end up 00:57:03.157 --> 00:57:06.117 writing something that is longer. 00:57:06.487 --> 00:57:09.967 So it has part of it in first person from one character's point of view 00:57:09.967 --> 00:57:13.597 and then part of it in first person from another person's point of view, 00:57:14.197 --> 00:57:19.297 cuz I just don't wanna spend that much time with one character generally. 00:57:22.457 --> 00:57:23.317 You may have that next. 00:57:23.647 --> 00:57:24.667 We see each other in real life. 00:57:24.967 --> 00:57:25.567 I I'll give you space, 00:57:28.597 --> 00:57:29.737 but I don't know. 00:57:29.737 --> 00:57:33.337 I just feel I, I get, I, I just wanna be able to do more things. 00:57:33.337 --> 00:57:38.527 So I just think it is working on, you know, I've had in 00:57:38.527 --> 00:57:41.707 stories have been published, so I, you know, to get out there. 00:57:41.797 --> 00:57:42.217 Yeah. 00:57:42.217 --> 00:57:43.537 You just work on it. 00:57:44.887 --> 00:57:46.177 I'm curious about Kathryn's question to you. 00:57:46.182 --> 00:57:49.567 Do you think the, the decline in Omni mission is because of today's technology? 00:57:49.567 --> 00:57:50.917 I'm not quite sure what you mean by that. 00:57:50.917 --> 00:57:52.177 Kathryn, do you want expand? 00:57:57.367 --> 00:57:58.387 I dunno, if you unmute yourself, 00:58:03.157 --> 00:58:05.617 I'm noticing with my grandchildren that. 00:58:06.622 --> 00:58:14.002 Their attention span due to texting and that constant technology flush. 00:58:14.752 --> 00:58:21.202 They, you know, when they read my stories, they say, oh, it was good, but, but you 00:58:21.202 --> 00:58:27.022 know, it is too long and, and they don't seem to want to read more in depth. 00:58:28.732 --> 00:58:34.162 And, and we've talked a lot about whether it was the technology or 00:58:34.192 --> 00:58:36.922 just some of them don't wanna read. 00:58:38.812 --> 00:58:38.962 Yeah. 00:58:38.962 --> 00:58:43.312 There's, I've seen a trend in Writing for younger adults to also 00:58:43.312 --> 00:58:47.182 write in first first person, but also in present tense, which is 00:58:47.182 --> 00:58:48.742 becoming, which is very immediate. 00:58:48.832 --> 00:58:50.242 Like, and you, you can't ever be. 00:58:50.422 --> 00:58:58.972 I think, I think kids are very savvy about story structure and you like film theory. 00:58:58.972 --> 00:59:01.222 I think they just AB they've they've absorbed all this. 00:59:01.222 --> 00:59:05.752 So like they know if it's written in third person and past tense that it's 00:59:05.752 --> 00:59:07.282 probably that person survives, right. 00:59:07.702 --> 00:59:08.242 to the end. 00:59:08.632 --> 00:59:11.752 And if you wanna pull them through the story and you're writing it 00:59:11.757 --> 00:59:13.732 in first person present tense, you know, I don't think could happen. 00:59:14.062 --> 00:59:18.202 So maybe it's some of that, maybe it is the, the changing communication styles 00:59:18.207 --> 00:59:22.792 and they're just like sophistication of storytelling that's happened now. 00:59:22.972 --> 00:59:25.552 I mean, I find when I go back to classic short stories, I get a little 00:59:25.552 --> 00:59:32.272 impatient, so I, I have a comment. 00:59:33.007 --> 00:59:40.357 I I, I do struggle with the hands off or, or the show and tell, and 00:59:40.357 --> 00:59:43.087 then you guys talk about the trend. 00:59:43.477 --> 00:59:48.427 Well, you know, at my age trends are, they're important but important, but 00:59:48.432 --> 00:59:56.317 they're not, I just write and, and I don't write to, to, I, I, I probably 00:59:56.317 --> 01:00:02.287 break a lot of rules when I'm telling my stories, because I don't tend to lean 01:00:02.287 --> 01:00:08.737 towards trends or, or, or what's popular, you know, I just want to get a story out. 01:00:08.742 --> 01:00:12.877 I wanna get a good story out and I wanna be able to keep interest in my stories. 01:00:13.507 --> 01:00:15.367 But anyway, I just thought I would comment. 01:00:15.367 --> 01:00:19.507 My struggles is show and tell and, and the, you know, the narrative. 01:00:22.447 --> 01:00:22.747 Yeah. 01:00:22.747 --> 01:00:25.927 I, I, the thing that made that work for me was when somebody said to me, it's 01:00:25.927 --> 01:00:29.182 like, If you're watching a movie in the theater, like you can see everything 01:00:29.182 --> 01:00:33.052 that's happening and the actors are, are, it's all happening on the actor's faces 01:00:33.052 --> 01:00:35.662 and it's happening in the dialogue and their body language and stuff like that. 01:00:36.022 --> 01:00:39.112 And they said, you know, telling is more like if you're watching that 01:00:39.117 --> 01:00:42.142 movie and you're in the moment and you're like, ah, it's so great. 01:00:42.412 --> 01:00:44.842 And then somebody tapped you on the shoulder from the row behind and says, 01:00:45.382 --> 01:00:46.972 he's feeling really upset right now. 01:00:47.092 --> 01:00:50.632 And you're like, I need you to tell me that. 01:00:50.932 --> 01:00:51.982 So that's the kind of thing. 01:00:51.982 --> 01:00:57.172 Like if you can, if you can keep the, the camera view on your scene, 01:00:57.322 --> 01:01:01.462 then you know, you're not telling, you're showing how what's happening. 01:01:01.467 --> 01:01:06.202 You're, you're expressing change through how somebody moves and that just, that 01:01:06.202 --> 01:01:08.302 just makes people more emotionally connected to what you're doing. 01:01:08.542 --> 01:01:11.752 There's a time for telling, you know, if you wanna get your character from here 01:01:11.752 --> 01:01:16.012 to somewhere else, it's perfectly fine to say she went for a three mile walk 01:01:16.012 --> 01:01:19.312 and, you know, got her got her like. 01:01:19.987 --> 01:01:23.557 Wiggles out and came home happy, you know, like that, that would be okay if then the 01:01:23.557 --> 01:01:25.717 next scene is important, emotional stuff. 01:01:26.017 --> 01:01:27.397 So it's fine sometimes to do that. 01:01:27.517 --> 01:01:31.447 And I think like writing to trend is a fools errand 01:01:31.452 --> 01:01:33.877 anyway, because trends change. 01:01:33.877 --> 01:01:36.577 And by the time you get something written and polished and out there, 01:01:36.967 --> 01:01:40.327 the trend may have left station. 01:01:40.417 --> 01:01:44.887 So yeah, I mean, the thing to pay attention to is if you're, if you're 01:01:44.887 --> 01:01:49.777 breaking the rules and you're losing reader's attention or listeners, if 01:01:49.777 --> 01:01:52.957 you're telling the stories verbally, if you're losing their attention, 01:01:53.797 --> 01:01:57.667 then it's worth knowing what these rules are and saying, okay, what's 01:01:57.672 --> 01:01:59.797 missing or where did I lose them? 01:02:01.117 --> 01:02:01.537 So 01:02:05.017 --> 01:02:08.017 any other questions or comments. 01:02:13.222 --> 01:02:15.232 Well, if thank you all for being here. 01:02:15.232 --> 01:02:18.382 I just want to, I've got a little a few comments I wanna make at the 01:02:18.387 --> 01:02:21.532 end here and an invitation that I haven't extended for a while. 01:02:21.862 --> 01:02:28.762 So I'm going to just I'm going to just show you a few give you 01:02:28.762 --> 01:02:29.962 a little pep talk, basically. 01:02:31.204 --> 01:02:32.670 We've barely touched on this stuff. 01:02:32.670 --> 01:02:36.180 Like we, we've had a little bit of a discussion here, but there's so much in 01:02:36.180 --> 01:02:44.190 this there's openings and endings there's character arcs, there's authorial voice, 01:02:44.190 --> 01:02:47.190 point of view, all these things that we talked about today, foreshadowing 01:02:47.460 --> 01:02:49.020 learning techniques from other writers. 01:02:49.025 --> 01:02:56.375 Concise writing impact conflict and stakes, short story pitfalls, all of 01:02:56.375 --> 01:03:01.505 this, this stuff that we talk about here, and we've only scratched the surface. 01:03:01.865 --> 01:03:03.995 So yeah, here's what else you, you need to know. 01:03:04.025 --> 01:03:06.015 I mean, deeper dives into the craft topics. 01:03:06.035 --> 01:03:10.974 Mindset is one of the huge things that is valuable. 01:03:11.675 --> 01:03:15.545 Hanging out with other writers is valuable for finding out how good 01:03:15.545 --> 01:03:18.665 people get through the tough days, times and places to show up for your 01:03:18.670 --> 01:03:23.765 work, being around people who get it like here making consistent progress. 01:03:25.085 --> 01:03:28.595 I'm convinced that what's holding you back as a writer is not knowing 01:03:28.745 --> 01:03:30.185 the techniques or knowing the rules. 01:03:30.605 --> 01:03:34.815 It's believing that you're allowed to do this. 01:03:34.845 --> 01:03:37.515 It's having, making the time. 01:03:37.545 --> 01:03:41.955 It's getting rid of the fear and the blocks and giving yourself permission to 01:03:41.955 --> 01:03:44.985 write, to be a learner to make mistakes. 01:03:45.225 --> 01:03:46.965 Even if you're not making a living at it. 01:03:46.965 --> 01:03:48.225 To make time for your writing. 01:03:48.375 --> 01:03:50.625 I mean, you don't, that's not the only route to success. 01:03:50.925 --> 01:03:52.365 You've probably heard me say that before. 01:03:53.085 --> 01:03:56.565 You could take a lifetime to explore the craft alone, but this inner 01:03:56.565 --> 01:04:00.195 work of being a writer is where the really cool stuff starts to happen. 01:04:01.405 --> 01:04:04.645 When you give yourself permission to write, when you carve out time to write, 01:04:04.705 --> 01:04:09.715 when you delve deeply into the human psyche to build characters and put them 01:04:09.715 --> 01:04:14.455 in difficult situations and help them become amazing human beings, you become 01:04:14.460 --> 01:04:19.285 an amazing human being more than, you know, there's so much amazing in you 01:04:19.525 --> 01:04:23.825 that when you're writing it starts to spill out into the rest of your life. 01:04:23.915 --> 01:04:25.445 You are more fun to be with. 01:04:25.955 --> 01:04:27.485 Your day job gets easier. 01:04:27.485 --> 01:04:28.475 You're more creative. 01:04:28.475 --> 01:04:31.475 You become a better problem solver and people feel that. 01:04:31.480 --> 01:04:32.255 And they're drawn to you. 01:04:32.255 --> 01:04:36.005 You become more attractive because you are feeding the part 01:04:36.010 --> 01:04:39.005 of you that is most truly you. 01:04:40.505 --> 01:04:41.525 This work is important. 01:04:42.515 --> 01:04:44.105 This work takes a lifetime. 01:04:44.105 --> 01:04:46.115 And luckily for you, that's what you've got. 01:04:46.115 --> 01:04:48.875 Right when you get off this call, you've got a lifetime waiting 01:04:48.875 --> 01:04:50.375 for you, the rest of your life. 01:04:50.975 --> 01:04:53.135 Let's not waste it. 01:04:54.215 --> 01:04:55.655 So at this point, you have a choice. 01:04:55.715 --> 01:05:00.605 If you want, all that comes along with a full writing life. 01:05:01.840 --> 01:05:05.230 You can make a personal commitment to write more and you might even do it. 01:05:06.040 --> 01:05:06.580 People do. 01:05:06.850 --> 01:05:10.510 Sometimes people make it stick, but if you've ever embarked on a writing 01:05:10.515 --> 01:05:13.480 push before full of enthusiasm, sure 01:05:13.480 --> 01:05:15.640 you're going to get it right this time only to have it peter 01:05:15.640 --> 01:05:18.760 out, what do you need to change? 01:05:18.850 --> 01:05:19.630 We've all been there. 01:05:19.870 --> 01:05:24.610 And the fear of it happening again, can hold us back for months or years 01:05:24.940 --> 01:05:27.340 wasting time worrying about failure. 01:05:27.460 --> 01:05:30.880 When we could have been using that time to become a better writer, maybe even a great 01:05:30.885 --> 01:05:33.700 writer and certainly a great human being. 01:05:34.720 --> 01:05:37.720 Over this past week, you have definitely accomplished more than many would- be 01:05:37.720 --> 01:05:40.240 writers well accomplished all year. 01:05:40.570 --> 01:05:43.960 And you did it because you turned up, you practiced, you 01:05:43.960 --> 01:05:45.130 hung out with other writers. 01:05:45.220 --> 01:05:46.030 You came here. 01:05:46.450 --> 01:05:50.225 You put your pen to paper right here in the heart of the StoryADay community. 01:05:51.125 --> 01:05:52.745 And that's the next part, a piece of the puzzle. 01:05:52.745 --> 01:05:53.345 I want to tell you. 01:05:54.155 --> 01:05:59.795 Every year, since StoryADay , May, 2010, I've seen people go through the 01:05:59.795 --> 01:06:03.905 challenge and then they would fall away and they would like disappear 01:06:03.910 --> 01:06:07.805 for a year and then they would come back and they would complain that 01:06:07.805 --> 01:06:09.935 they had lost ground in their writing. 01:06:11.045 --> 01:06:16.085 So in 20 te 2018, I put together a group of people who wanted to hang out 01:06:16.085 --> 01:06:20.405 together to write together, to hold space for each other and to learn together. 01:06:20.705 --> 01:06:21.815 And you've heard us talk about them. 01:06:21.815 --> 01:06:22.925 You've met some of them this morning. 01:06:22.925 --> 01:06:24.665 They're called the StoryADay Superstars. 01:06:24.995 --> 01:06:28.355 And you've seen how caring, thoughtful, enthusiastic, and 01:06:28.360 --> 01:06:30.095 relaxed they are about their writing. 01:06:30.725 --> 01:06:35.795 That's not an accident, We've spent four years building this community in 01:06:35.795 --> 01:06:39.695 a way of being that helps all of us get our writing done, take the next step. 01:06:39.995 --> 01:06:43.355 Whether that is writing more writing, better finding readers, feeling 01:06:43.360 --> 01:06:45.545 understood, enhancing our everyday lives. 01:06:46.955 --> 01:06:51.115 I want to ask if you want to continue struggling on alone or 01:06:52.355 --> 01:06:56.735 do you want to stay on this writing path, learning what your writing life looks 01:06:56.735 --> 01:07:03.305 like when you're in a group of writers who are on your team, who get it, who 01:07:03.305 --> 01:07:08.705 will guide and support you and push you to write, write a lot and write better. 01:07:08.825 --> 01:07:12.905 So that you finally become that someone who is turning out stories regularly 01:07:13.145 --> 01:07:17.135 engaging in the world in an excited way, because it's your sandbox. 01:07:17.135 --> 01:07:18.965 It's your inspiration. 01:07:19.445 --> 01:07:23.825 Someone who's eager to write, not dreading it and someone who's ready 01:07:23.825 --> 01:07:26.945 to send their stories out into the world and to have an impact. 01:07:27.725 --> 01:07:30.215 I don't think it's overstating it to say that when you approach your 01:07:30.215 --> 01:07:33.875 writing with integrity and joy, you are making yourself better. 01:07:33.935 --> 01:07:37.355 You're improving the lives of the people you love because you're 01:07:37.360 --> 01:07:40.505 more fulfilled and your stories are connecting with reader's brains. 01:07:40.510 --> 01:07:43.685 You've seen it this morning, taking them inside the emotions of another 01:07:43.685 --> 01:07:50.165 human being changing hearts, creating empathy, making the world better place. 01:07:52.145 --> 01:07:54.305 So do you want to be able to write whenever you have a free moment, 01:07:54.305 --> 01:07:57.095 do you wanna be able to finish stories, have confidence that 01:07:57.095 --> 01:07:58.505 your writing's getting better? 01:07:58.925 --> 01:08:01.865 Are you ready to do it today? 01:08:01.925 --> 01:08:02.825 Not someday. 01:08:02.885 --> 01:08:06.875 And are you ready to do what it takes to get there then if you 01:08:06.875 --> 01:08:08.525 are, I'm delighted to invite you. 01:08:08.525 --> 01:08:12.485 And in invitation, I have not extended for six months to join us 01:08:12.695 --> 01:08:15.425 in the StoryADay superstars group. 01:08:17.105 --> 01:08:20.375 The StoryADay Superstars group is a writing conference retreat 01:08:20.435 --> 01:08:25.655 workshop, peer group masterclass in your pocket all year long. 01:08:26.555 --> 01:08:30.425 You deserve a place where you can rediscover how to have more energy 01:08:30.425 --> 01:08:31.685 for other parts of your life. 01:08:32.525 --> 01:08:34.595 Find everything else in your life. 01:08:34.595 --> 01:08:38.195 A little easier problem solve, make decisions like a champ, 01:08:38.345 --> 01:08:40.055 make cool connections faster. 01:08:40.055 --> 01:08:43.625 Be curious, generous, empathetic, engaging, connected 01:08:43.630 --> 01:08:46.305 to the whole of humanity and. 01:08:47.000 --> 01:08:50.810 In contact with the rest of humanity without having to 01:08:50.810 --> 01:08:51.980 make eye contact with them. 01:08:51.980 --> 01:08:53.720 Although quite often we do. 01:08:53.810 --> 01:08:59.360 And the story day superstars end up connecting in the real world as well. 01:08:59.887 --> 01:09:04.927 Your mission should you choose to accept it is to join us in the 01:09:04.927 --> 01:09:08.377 StoryADay Superstars groups so that you can learn what you love to write, 01:09:08.767 --> 01:09:13.957 how to write it better and what tools and practices you need to become 01:09:13.957 --> 01:09:15.667 a better, more prolific writer. 01:09:15.787 --> 01:09:19.297 So you can share more stories with more readers and begin 01:09:19.302 --> 01:09:20.887 to hear that magical feedback. 01:09:21.367 --> 01:09:25.507 "I loved your story because", and "thank you for writing this story. 01:09:25.507 --> 01:09:27.007 It meant so much to me". 01:09:29.797 --> 01:09:33.187 As a Superstar, you get a way to keep the writing momentum going all year. 01:09:33.247 --> 01:09:36.427 You get instruction on the writing craft that pushes you to the next level. 01:09:36.727 --> 01:09:39.727 You get a place to connect with other writers who you'll come to know and 01:09:39.727 --> 01:09:41.047 who will celebrate your successes. 01:09:41.047 --> 01:09:44.767 So you always feel writing is a valid and important part of your life, 01:09:44.772 --> 01:09:49.287 whether or not you have anyone else in your everyday life, outside that door, 01:09:49.387 --> 01:09:53.947 who gets it an opportunity to build a writing practice that fits your life 01:09:53.977 --> 01:09:58.657 as it is right now, it's easy to tell yourself, you can get these things by 01:09:58.657 --> 01:10:03.037 lurking anonymously in a writer's forum or a Facebook group, or by following 01:10:03.307 --> 01:10:04.477 your favorite writers on Twitter. 01:10:04.747 --> 01:10:08.017 But I would ask you, how has that worked for you in the past? 01:10:08.437 --> 01:10:09.517 Are you where you want to be. 01:10:11.527 --> 01:10:13.777 So, how do Superstars help you with all of that stuff? 01:10:14.227 --> 01:10:17.677 As a Superstar, you'll spend a year with us learning how to be the writer you want 01:10:17.677 --> 01:10:22.387 to be through every season of the year, by doing it in a supportive group with 01:10:22.392 --> 01:10:26.287 times that you can carve out and put in your calendar to show up for yourself, 01:10:26.467 --> 01:10:30.337 we have writing sprints almost daily, sometimes multiple times a day, where 01:10:30.337 --> 01:10:32.077 you can show up and get some work done. 01:10:32.827 --> 01:10:36.187 We have monthly special events, which might be a workshop or a 01:10:36.187 --> 01:10:40.837 critique group like this, or extra support during the challenges, master 01:10:40.837 --> 01:10:42.307 classes and other special events. 01:10:42.427 --> 01:10:43.687 There's one of those every month. 01:10:44.467 --> 01:10:47.017 There's two to three opportunities every month to come and hang out 01:10:47.077 --> 01:10:50.827 and just have deep discussions with each other at a variety of times. 01:10:51.067 --> 01:10:52.717 So you should be able to find one that works for you. 01:10:53.377 --> 01:10:58.097 We have a private community currently in Slack where you can support, each 01:10:58.097 --> 01:11:02.237 other it's like kind of like a Facebook group, but without the whole Facebook 01:11:02.237 --> 01:11:06.267 thing and without anybody else posting about their pets and, and politics. 01:11:07.847 --> 01:11:10.367 And with Superstars from around the globe, there's usually somebody up 01:11:10.517 --> 01:11:14.207 who can give you a high five or an answer, got people in New Zealand 01:11:14.212 --> 01:11:18.017 and India and California, and Sweden. 01:11:19.067 --> 01:11:22.307 I organize everything so that you don't have to. 01:11:22.427 --> 01:11:26.147 As someone who struggles in groups where things aren't very well organized 01:11:26.147 --> 01:11:27.677 and pop up at the last minute. 01:11:28.137 --> 01:11:30.317 I make sure that you always get reminders for everything. 01:11:30.797 --> 01:11:33.797 There's a calendar you can subscribe to their emails. 01:11:34.097 --> 01:11:36.047 Everything's archived in the member site. 01:11:37.334 --> 01:11:38.357 Reminders pop up in slack. 01:11:38.357 --> 01:11:41.567 So whether or not you ignore your email and pay attention to your calendar or 01:11:41.567 --> 01:11:45.197 vice versa, there's a way to make sure that you don't miss anything here. 01:11:46.417 --> 01:11:49.057 You've been doing this for a while now, maybe you've been 01:11:49.057 --> 01:11:52.177 lurking at StoryADay today. 01:11:52.177 --> 01:11:56.917 I am asking you to stop lurking, step out of the shadows and show up for yourself. 01:11:56.917 --> 01:12:02.197 And frankly, for us, we are enriched by every new member, your experience, 01:12:02.202 --> 01:12:03.817 your questions, your presence. 01:12:05.077 --> 01:12:06.547 I really want you to hear me. 01:12:06.547 --> 01:12:10.927 When I say this, you are a gift to the world. 01:12:13.147 --> 01:12:16.147 We want to help you share that gift. 01:12:18.637 --> 01:12:20.887 So at this point, you're probably thinking what you'd have to 01:12:20.887 --> 01:12:22.537 invest for access to all this. 01:12:23.947 --> 01:12:25.957 I looked up a flash fiction course recently it was six 01:12:25.957 --> 01:12:28.237 weeks long and it cost $250. 01:12:28.237 --> 01:12:29.107 So I did the math for you. 01:12:29.107 --> 01:12:32.137 That's about $177 a month. 01:12:32.137 --> 01:12:37.177 If you wanted to do like a monthly thing, our daily writing sprints are 01:12:37.177 --> 01:12:39.365 like a writing retreat on demand. 01:12:40.057 --> 01:12:44.227 I did some research on writing retreats a four day retreat averaged about $400. 01:12:44.977 --> 01:12:46.747 Before the cost of travel and accommodation. 01:12:46.747 --> 01:12:51.037 So that's about a hundred dollars a day, multiply that by 365 and we're getting 01:12:51.037 --> 01:12:55.757 into silly money territory, coaching can cost you between 65 and $200 an hour. 01:12:55.757 --> 01:13:00.587 We do three, two to three Hangouts where you can get access to me and all 01:13:00.587 --> 01:13:02.327 of these amazing minds in Superstars. 01:13:02.687 --> 01:13:04.877 There's just thousands of dollars of coaching time. 01:13:05.687 --> 01:13:09.527 And it's still a bargain compared to the price of an MFA at an average college, 01:13:09.532 --> 01:13:13.277 which is like 68,000 a year for one year. 01:13:13.337 --> 01:13:14.387 And they're never one year. 01:13:16.097 --> 01:13:19.007 So people do create courses for writers that cost thousands 01:13:19.097 --> 01:13:21.437 and thousands and thousands and hundreds of thousands of dollars. 01:13:21.767 --> 01:13:24.017 Most of us can't find time or money for that. 01:13:24.287 --> 01:13:27.167 So I built the Superstars to bring together as many interesting 01:13:27.197 --> 01:13:28.697 committed people as I can. 01:13:29.147 --> 01:13:30.677 To harness the power of that crowd. 01:13:31.187 --> 01:13:35.417 I want the community to contain the most motivated writers I can find. 01:13:35.477 --> 01:13:37.657 And what tells me that you're motivated? 01:13:38.747 --> 01:13:39.497 You read my emails. 01:13:40.337 --> 01:13:43.517 You turn up for events like this, you do the work. 01:13:44.237 --> 01:13:47.207 And you show me and yourself that you are ready for the next step. 01:13:47.477 --> 01:13:51.167 I want people like you to join us, spend the next 12 months refining 01:13:51.167 --> 01:13:55.187 your storytelling skills, building a writing practice in what I believe 01:13:55.187 --> 01:13:58.817 is the most supportive kick ass writing community that I can find. 01:13:59.957 --> 01:14:00.647 I want you to join us. 01:14:00.707 --> 01:14:03.287 I want you to experience that and have so much fun doing it that 01:14:03.287 --> 01:14:04.757 you wonder what took you so long. 01:14:05.477 --> 01:14:09.707 So I'm inviting you to join the StoryADay Superstars for an investment 01:14:10.037 --> 01:14:15.587 of $997 for the year, less than the cost of a frothy coffee every day, 01:14:16.007 --> 01:14:19.427 less than the cost of taking one of my workshops every month and considerably 01:14:19.607 --> 01:14:22.787 less than the cost of traveling to a conference or getting an MFA. 01:14:23.417 --> 01:14:26.987 You get this amazing community that will hold space for you and your writing. 01:14:27.587 --> 01:14:32.087 And as I was putting this message together, I thought, what about. 01:14:33.317 --> 01:14:36.797 What you could achieve in the next 12 months is pretty awesome with all that 01:14:36.797 --> 01:14:38.777 space and guidance and support and time. 01:14:39.377 --> 01:14:41.567 And I got really excited thinking about all of that, the amazing 01:14:41.567 --> 01:14:43.337 progress that you're going to make. 01:14:44.057 --> 01:14:45.977 And I thought, what else do you need? 01:14:46.367 --> 01:14:48.617 So I thought, if someone's just joined superstars, what could they 01:14:48.622 --> 01:14:52.127 use to get started straight away and make sure that they make progress? 01:14:52.157 --> 01:14:55.037 So I built this Stages workshop, especially for superstars. 01:14:55.457 --> 01:14:58.427 It helps you figure out where you are, where you want to be, 01:14:58.697 --> 01:15:02.867 and then what's the very next tiniest step you can take to get. 01:15:03.497 --> 01:15:04.937 To the next stage in your writing life. 01:15:04.937 --> 01:15:08.507 And it covers not just writing, but all the things that go into a 01:15:08.512 --> 01:15:10.487 writing life, no more overwhelm. 01:15:11.837 --> 01:15:13.757 One day I'll offer this course separately and it'll be about 01:15:13.762 --> 01:15:15.317 $500, but I haven't done that yet. 01:15:16.157 --> 01:15:17.477 So it's not available anywhere else. 01:15:17.537 --> 01:15:20.957 And then I realize a library of every workbook and worksheet 01:15:20.957 --> 01:15:22.067 that I've ever created. 01:15:22.367 --> 01:15:27.167 Even some audio meditations helped me, you and the other Superstars get more 01:15:27.167 --> 01:15:32.477 quickly to the creative work and spend less time blocked, stuck, or indecisive. 01:15:33.717 --> 01:15:36.927 And then I realized I already have every workshop I've ever 01:15:36.927 --> 01:15:39.177 given every masterclass recorded. 01:15:39.447 --> 01:15:42.867 And so I thought, if you need to know how to make your characters more compelling 01:15:42.867 --> 01:15:47.157 or how to write better dialogue, or how to prepare a story for submission or how to 01:15:47.157 --> 01:15:51.717 write your bio, you can just pop into that archive anytime and brush up your skills. 01:15:52.347 --> 01:15:55.737 There's over 20 workshops in there, which is like $3,000 01:15:55.737 --> 01:15:57.957 worth of workshops on demand. 01:15:58.077 --> 01:15:59.727 And that's all in the portal for you too. 01:16:00.720 --> 01:16:02.190 I want you to succeed. 01:16:03.180 --> 01:16:05.100 I've put a lot of thought into what that looks like. 01:16:06.420 --> 01:16:11.070 No matter whether you simply want to be a build a, a writing practice 01:16:11.907 --> 01:16:15.330 or you want to be sending stuff out to magazines, I've got you covered. 01:16:15.960 --> 01:16:18.420 And then I thought you were on the fence about this. 01:16:18.870 --> 01:16:21.690 What else do people ask about when I, when they ask about writing and 01:16:21.690 --> 01:16:26.100 it often comes down to budget and a burning desire to really give 01:16:26.100 --> 01:16:28.980 yourself permission to be a writer. 01:16:30.420 --> 01:16:33.630 So if a 12 payment plan would make it easier for you to manage your 01:16:33.630 --> 01:16:35.130 cash flow and still join the group, 01:16:35.430 --> 01:16:36.000 here you go. 01:16:36.570 --> 01:16:40.140 More importantly, if you wanna spend a few hours with us at our virtual 01:16:40.140 --> 01:16:45.210 retreat in December, looking back at the past and making plans for 2023, 01:16:45.570 --> 01:16:47.070 I'm adding that to Superstars too. 01:16:47.100 --> 01:16:50.760 These retreats I've been hugely inspiring in the past and a wonderful 01:16:50.760 --> 01:16:54.030 way to connect more deeply with the other writers in the group. 01:16:54.450 --> 01:17:00.750 All of which leads you to becoming more sure, productive, creative, and fulfilled. 01:17:01.650 --> 01:17:04.830 This is your chance, and this doesn't cost you any extra. 01:17:05.460 --> 01:17:11.280 All you have to do is climb down off the fence and join us in superstars. 01:17:11.749 --> 01:17:12.499 So, what are you getting? 01:17:12.499 --> 01:17:15.499 You're getting the superstars group with the monthly events and the three critique 01:17:15.499 --> 01:17:19.189 weeks, a year, the stages workshop, which isn't available anywhere else, every 01:17:19.189 --> 01:17:20.959 worksheet and workbook I've ever produced. 01:17:21.349 --> 01:17:25.489 An archive of over 20 workshops and master classes with video, audio, 01:17:25.489 --> 01:17:28.459 written notes, closed captions, whatever your learning style is. 01:17:28.879 --> 01:17:32.899 And an invitation to our virtual retreat in December, I'm only opening 01:17:32.899 --> 01:17:35.179 up registration for a very few days. 01:17:35.179 --> 01:17:38.359 It's only open until Wednesday, September the 21st. 01:17:38.779 --> 01:17:41.929 And like I say, last time was six months ago when I opened this up because I 01:17:41.929 --> 01:17:46.129 really want to get busy, getting everybody into the community, getting them settled 01:17:46.489 --> 01:17:48.469 and and going forward with the writing. 01:17:48.469 --> 01:17:52.819 So I'm not, I just don't do this very often and I hope you'll 01:17:52.819 --> 01:17:54.319 take advantage of it this time. 01:17:54.349 --> 01:17:55.279 You're here. 01:17:55.789 --> 01:17:58.489 You've proven to me and to yourself. 01:17:58.489 --> 01:17:59.809 I think that you're serious. 01:18:00.439 --> 01:18:02.659 I think you might be a superstar already. 01:18:04.279 --> 01:18:05.299 So let's make it official. 01:18:06.319 --> 01:18:07.309 I hope you'll join us. 01:18:07.999 --> 01:18:10.729 And I really want to thank you for being here today. 01:18:12.439 --> 01:18:15.619 I want you to thank you for being generous with your time and your 01:18:15.619 --> 01:18:17.089 feedback and your questions. 01:18:17.719 --> 01:18:22.649 And most of all, I want to ask you to please keep writing