Who’s On Your Internal Coaching Team?

Do you have an inner critic or an inner coach? And which voice will help you become creative, happy, fulfilled writer?

…and is it time to fire them?

Remember the ancient times of last summer, during the Olympic games in Paris, when the media was flooding us with feel-good stories about quirky folks who had dedicated their life to pursuing excellence in one, extremely niche activity…and everyone thought it was cool?

Good times.

One story that stood out to me was the US Gymnastics team’s commentary on how much happier they were now that they had new coaches—coaches who motivated them with praise and love, rather than fear and shame.

Oh, and they still somehow managed to win the gold medal.

Who are your internal coaches modeled on?

When you’re trying to motivate yourself to write, do you have: 

  • A big, scary guy with a megaphone, barking at you and shaming you for not being perfect?
  • An indulgent hippy mom who says ‘that’s ok, whatever you feel like doing is fine’—even if that ‘whatever’ isn’t helping you reach your goals OR feel fine?
  • Or have you worked to install a positive, loving voice that tells you to set tiny goals that you can exceed and who encourages you to celebrate like mad when you reach or exceed them.

Guess which voice I’m going to recommend recruiting to your internal coaching team… 

Celebrate Success, Every Day

Habit experts, like BJ Fogg, tell us that outsized celebrations for achievable goals are key to maintaining a new habit. 

Lay down those dopamine pathways in the brain by getting up and punching the air every time you meet your new wordcount! (It feels silly, but it helps your brain associate ‘writing time’ with ‘feel-good time’.)

Productivity experts, like Adam Grant, tell us that striving for perfection is a fool’s errand. 

Instead, of aiming for ‘perfect’,  try to make your work ‘perfectly acceptable’—that’s what experts and high-performing professionals do!

Cal Newport tells us it’s OK to slow down, to take one task at a time and do it as well as we can, today.

Performance experts, like Jim Murphy, tell us that “judgement and curiosity cannot co-exist. When we judge someone or something, curiosity goes out the window, and with it, creativity.”

Is It Time To Fire Your Inner Coach?

If the voice in your head is an old-school, 1970s-style gym teacher, screaming in your face every time you perform less than perfectly, perhaps it’s time to consider firing your inner coach.

Instead, invite in a more modern approach, like those used by high-performance athletes, executives, and, yes, writers, today.

Voices that say“

  • It’s ok to take your time; just keep moving
  • It’s good to rest; just make a plan for when you’ll start up again
  • Don’t judge; instead, be curious
  • Don’t try to be perfect; just try to trend upwards
  • Don’t compare yourself to anyone except you: yesterday, a year ago, ten years ago. Remember how far you’ve come
  • Be inspired by other people’s success, not envious or threatened; they’re raising the standards and giving you a reason to strive to be better
  • Celebrate every tiny triumph along the way; got to your desk? Punch the air! Opened your manuscript? Pat yourself on the back. Met your word count for today? Dance party in the kitchen!

Fear, shame, and bullying can get results for coaches, but not for long.

And you’re in this for the long haul, right?

Start cultivating modern, fair-but-firm internal coaching voices, that encourage you to live up to what you know you’re capable of, and who also remind you that one bad day is not the end of the world.

Join the discussion: What do your internal voices sound like? Where do you think they came from? What might a more-positive, productive voice say, instead?

Face The Fear

I’ve been writing—and working with writers—for a long time.

Decades.

Sometimes writers fret about their ability to write characters, or develop plots, or handle pacing, but in my experience, those are not the problems that stop us from writing.

We’re smart. We think hard. Most of us are fairly confident in our ability to research, learn and implement specific writing techniques.

What blocks us is fear.

This week I’m going to give you five exercises to face and tame this most powerful of foes.

Face The Fear, And Write, Regardless

Your inner critic is not a moustache-twirling, two-dimensional villain, out to destroy you.

Like any good antagonist, your Inner Critic is the hero of it’s own story, and it is complex.

  • It’s the nervous voice of everyone who loves you, saying, “Be careful! Play it safe! Don’t get hurt!”
  • Sometimes there’s an added layer of the voices of people who are threatened by you, jealous of you, and scared you will surpass you.
  • Sometimes there’s an added layer of fear from yourself: who will I leave behind if I let go and let myself be as awesome as I suspect I am. Who will be offended, because they think I’m leaving them behind?

But all of these voices—most of them not yours, or at least, not the voice of you in this moment—are simply telling one story, one version of a story. What they are telling you isn’t the truth. It’s one story about reality.

Fortunately, you are an expert storyteller, with a vivid imagination, and you get to rewrite the stories in your head.

It just takes some practice.

Today’s Task

  • Set a time for four minutes. Write down the fears that bubble up when you sit down to write, in general, or on a specific project.
  • Reset the timer, and rewrite those ‘fears’ as strengths.

Examples:

  • “I’m not special. Who am I to think I can write something people will want to read” becomes, “I understand ordinary, everyday lives, with all their complexity and challenge. I’m the perfect person to write a story that gives hope to, or thrills, someone who is facing all the same daily challenges I am. I’m relatable!”
  • “I never finish anything” becomes “I have a million ideas, and sometimes I develop them into complete stories. Not always, but sometimes, and that’s awesome!”
  • “I don’t have time to write” becomes, “Thinking counts as writing, and luckily, I can think while I’m doing other activities that I have to do. All I have to do is focus on thinking about my stories, and creating a little time to record those thoughts, regularly.”

May-Ready Bonus Question: write down three words to describe how you want to feel during StoryADay May