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When my children were tiny I didnât do a lot of writing. But there would come a day when I simply HAD to write. With a toddler in two, however, it became almost impossible to get through a full sentence without hearing that darling little voice yap,
âMama? Mama! MAMA!!!â
I got to the stage where it was quite a relief when my boy unexpectedly ditched âMumâ and started calling me by my given name. At least it took a while for that to start to grate on my nerves!
The Delegation Revalation
One fateful afternoon, when my son — previously happily playing with toy cars at my feet — suddenly popped up and asked for a drink. For the third time that hour. I groaned and tore myself away from my half-finished sentence to fetch him a drink.
Then it hit me. My job as a parent was not to raise him to be helpless. My job as a parent was to teach him self-sufficiency. So what if he was only 3?
I started delegating.
That day I moved some plastic tumblers onto a low shelf in an under-the-counter cabinet and made a big deal of at last unlocking the water dispenser on the fridge. Sure, I had to clean up a few spills, but it was a price I was willing to pay to get a few uninterrupted minutes.
We quickly moved on to solo hand-washing, using a stool to get the toothbrush and toothpaste (creating a few precious extra minutes before bedtime). Then I packed away any trousers that didnât have an elasticated waist and presto! I was freed from having to accompany him to the bathroom!
How Much Can You Give Away?
As the kids have grown, so has my hunger for writing time.
I now delegate all kinds of things.
- Where I used to be in charge of bath-time and bedtime, my husband and I now share bedtime duty.
- When I was deep in the crunch of StoryADay last May my seven year old, a-hem, learned how to make peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches.
- While I toiled on my novel last November, my husband taught the boys how to fold their school clothes and put them away neatly.
I could feel guilty about deserting my family when I feel the need to write. Or I can celebrate my awesomeness as a mother who cares enough about them to teach them the life skills they will need when I eventually kick them out of my house. (Ten more years, Eldest. I’m counting.)
Delegation can be fun!
Itâs not always, easy of course. Things go wrong. There is often a learning curve for the people youâre delegating tasks to. There might be occasional tears.
But stick with it. You CAN find ways to nudge the people around you become more independent, while also clawing back some of your precious writing time.
What about you? What one task will you try to offload this week? What poor helpless soul will you set on the road to independence?
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You are so right. What is it that makes most of us women feel like we are solely responsible for the happiness and well being of everyone in our life? I finally got the kids raised, but now it’s grandchildren, older relatives, and of course, I still have a husband. Even after 47 years he still doesn’t know where I keep the milk.
But he has learned that writing is important to my happiness. Right now he is carefully leaving me alone because he thinks that’s what I’m writing. Hmmm. . .
Maybe I should go check out the procrastinators forum.
Yes Lawd! I told someone that I learned to wash clothes at 7, when I could see over the dryer. I learned to cook at 8, you guessed it, when I could see over the stove. My 6 year old is now cleaning the bathroom and making me snacks! I never felt guilty for delegating, as long as we were getting some playtime in. I hope your advice rubs off on more of us. They can do it đ