How to write realistic, fascinating character reactions…and what that can teach you about BEING a writer…
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Coaching with Julie
Transcript
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Good morning, good
evening, good afternoon.
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Julie here from Story a Day and I am
here this week to talk to you about
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some other things that I’ve been
discovering working through the One
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Story September Challenge with the
current group of people going through it.
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Last week we were talking about how
characters react to various stimuli and
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so I was sharing the the things I’ve
learned in my study of the psychology
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of the human being, the human creature.
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And one of the things that’s
really striking is that we are
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not as evolved as we think we are.
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So if you’ve been struggling, if
you’re interested in how to write
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better characters, I’m going to
talk a little bit about that today.
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And I’m also going to talk about
how we can use that knowledge.
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to help ourselves to escape from
the prison of imposter syndrome or
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procrastination or lack of motivation or
starting things and not finishing them.
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All of these complaints that I hear
from people every time I put out
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a survey that asks you what’s, uh,
what you’re struggling with right
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now or any time basically I talk to
writers or, uh, be a writer myself.
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So First, let’s talk about
characters, because it’s easier to
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talk about other people, especially
non existent people, than it is to
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examine our deep, dark, inner selves.
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Here’s how humans operate.
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When something happens,
we react instinctively.
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We react chemically, actually.
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We react chemically.
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Our body floods itself with whatever
chemicals in our, our history of human
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existence has taught us is important.
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This is what we’re talking about when
we say we have the fight or flight
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response or how, you know, your
body thinks it’s going to, if you’re
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stressed, it’s like in olden days when
you used to think you were going to
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get eaten by a saber toothed tiger.
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Uh, actually humans are a lot
older than saber toothed tigers.
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And so you’ve heard those things
too, so many times that they
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just kind of wash over you now.
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But I want you to think about the
fact that we react instinctively.
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And our bodies flood us, flood us with
the chemicals that it thinks we’re
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going to need before any rational
thought has time to form in our brains.
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That’s how your characters react.
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And because we are writing something
that is potentially quite intimate
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with our characters, we can hop into
their heads, we can hop into their
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bodies at any point, and we should be
sharing that stuff with the reader.
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The reader doesn’t really want to know
just what’s happening on the external.
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They want to know what’s
happening inside the character.
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We all consume a lot of television
and movies, I’m going to assume.
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That, in the hands of a really good actor
and a really good director, sometimes
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you get some of that inner journey.
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You see a range of emotions
flicker over the protagonist’s face
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before they do the right thing.
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What’s happening, and what’s happened
with that actor and director is probably
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lots and lots of conversations about
exactly how the character wants to react
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and what they’re doing to suppress that
initial desire, and whether they’re
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going to give in to that initial desire.
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And the fact is, that’s what’s
happening in every person all
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the time when something happens.
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We have this instinctive
reaction, and then we have the
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conditioned response response.
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And the Conditioned Response, the first
response that we consciously have,
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even subconsciously, is the Conditioned
Response from when you were a kid, and
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what the people who raised you, and the
people around you, who mattered to you,
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taught you, was an acceptable solution to
a situation, or reaction to a situation.
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So, if you grew up in
a house that was very
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ebullient, whether that’s for good or
ill, if people, if your character comes
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from, say, an Italian American family,
where everybody argues and shouts and
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then it all blows over in a few minutes,
as I am led to believe, then that’s going
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to be how they think it’s okay to react.
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And that’s going to be the first
reaction they reach for beyond
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the fight or flight reaction.
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Um, the, the urge to punch
someone is fairly deeply buried.
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When somebody crosses you, the urge to
like, if they come at you physically,
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the urge to come back at them physically
is fairly deeply in us instinctually.
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Your childhood will have taught you
whether or not it’s acceptable to
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let that instinct go or whether you
need to, like, sit on your hands.
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Beyond that, as you, as your character
lives through life and goes outside
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the world of their family, their, their
childhood environment, they’re going
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to be in other environments where they
will learn other ways of being, and
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they will learn other societal norms.
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When you go to school, it’s very much not
okay to punch someone when you’re in the
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classroom, even though in certain eras
and certain places it might still have
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been fine to scrap on the playground.
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So you have to learn, as a human
being, to suppress instincts in layers.
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As you become, say, this character
who we’ve talked about comes
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from a very voluble, very, very
volatile family, where it might have
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been okay to punch your brother.
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And then they go to school and discover
it’s okay to punch them, but only on the,
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on the playground when nobody’s looking,
certainly not in front of a teacher,
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and certainly not in the classroom.
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Then they grow up and
they become a lawyer.
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for people who may still do the punching.
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But the lawyer themselves has to
have these layers of civility and
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refinement, which they, they drape
over everything that they learned.
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And so if you’re writing this character,
they’re probably not punching anyone
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anymore, except in very extreme
circumstances in very dark alleys.
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Which means that in a situation of
high stress when someone comes at
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your lawyer verbally they are going to
react with that primal urge to punch.
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The little kid in them is
going to want to punch.
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The kid who went through school and
who’s learned to suppress that urge
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until nobody’s looking might kick in.
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And then the kid who went through law
school and learned to suppress all
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of that and come at them verbally is
going to kick in, maybe, on their best
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day, in the best of circumstances.
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So that’s a lot of emotion.
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Those are a lot of stages
that your character is going
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to go through in an instant.
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That’s how the human mind
brain nervous system works.
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If you’re not showing us any of
that, how are we supposed to know
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what your character’s going through?
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If they just quirk an eyebrow or smirk,
what does that tell us about what’s
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actually happening inside your character?
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You’ve got, uh, you’ve got like a
five minute slow mo sequence that you
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could be running through You’ve got
all the off ramps on that journey.
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Your character can go all the way
to the right civilised response and
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come back with a witty rejoinder.
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Or they can take an earlier off ramp
and they can snarl or they can lash
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out or they can, you know, have some
physical reaction that shows them
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wanting to go at the other person and
repressing it because, you know, school.
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Or you can let them.
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Rip and you can let them have their
primitive reaction not even the one
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in the family where somebody would
have stepped in and said Okay kids,
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let’s you know, let’s break it up.
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Now.
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You could let them go even further
You have all of those things to
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go through emotionally inside your
character Before you even start
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thinking about how to show that on the
outside and how far they’re gonna go.
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So We go from a very primitive response
to a conditioned response that can be
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hard to get over to the civilized response
that we have layered on as adults that
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makes the, the, the actions that we
think are civilized and acceptable.
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Part of the journey throughout a story
for your character, part of the internal
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journey of any character, is probably
going to always be a balance between
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what society will accept as civilized and
what your character really wants to do.
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It’s probably a journey between, journey
about, or a balancing act about them
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overcoming their instincts and deciding
how far to go towards what society
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wants and what feels good in the moment.
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And then, of course, you get to
explore things like the conditioning
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that your character has laid over
themselves, both by their family and
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their school and their environment.
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All of these things, all of these, these,
all of this conditioning that has happened
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to them, along with the things that they
have decided to take on in order to fit
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into the world they’re in, some of that
stuff may need to be stripped away.
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You think about a romantic partner
who’s experiencing coercive control.
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They have learned all these layers of
conditioning that have kept them safe and
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some of that stuff they shouldn’t have.
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And they’re going to have
to strip that stuff away.
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And it’s always going to be a fight
between the instinct, the conditioning,
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the intellectual decision about
what’s acceptable, and then perhaps
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a further intellectual decision.
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decision about what’s acceptable now,
in this moment, for me, unlearning
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the stuff that I learned before.
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Humans are complicated and it
happens in the fraction of a second.
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What can you put into your writing to show
us what your character is going through?
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Not all the time, just some of the time.
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When are the good moments
to show that stuff?
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Is your character always going to react
in the civilized, acceptable manner?
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Is that always the right
thing for them to do?
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How are they going to feel if they let
go and they get a bit more primitive?
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How are they going to feel if they stay
civilized when they shouldn’t have?
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Which brings me to you, the writer.
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As you go through your writing
process, you too are human.
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You too are dealing with
all of these reactions.
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to your writing.
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It seems ridiculous, but it’s
not an intellectual thing.
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When you’re writing and things get
hard, this is what you go through.
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You go through an instinctive reaction,
you go through your conditioned reaction,
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and then maybe, if you’re paying
attention, you get to the intellectual
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reaction where you say, I know this
feels a little uncomfortable at the
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moment, but I’m going to be, I’m going
to be cool about it, and I’m going
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to look at my work dispassionately,
and I’m going to decide where it’s
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working and where it’s not working.
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Now, on the journey from the ugh, this,
this feels hard, to no, I’m going to
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be dispassionate and, and sensible,
and I’m going to work on this like
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a scientist and tweak my writing.
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On the journey, from one to the
other, you’re going down a path
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that I can’t possibly know.
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Because I don’t know whose
voices are in your head.
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I don’t know what you were
conditioned to believe was acceptable.
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I don’t know what you’ve
been through in your life.
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But I do know that that
stuff is all in there.
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And when people say to me I’m suffering
from imposter syndrome, even though
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I know they are beautiful writers.
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When people tell me they can’t finish
things, even though I’m dying to know
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what happens at the end of their story.
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I know there’s something going on in that
middle area, in that you were conditioned
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to believe certain things area.
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Maybe you were conditioned to believe
that you shouldn’t take this much
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time away from your family to write.
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Maybe.
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Is that acceptable?
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Is that appropriate for
this moment in your life?
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Is that lesson that you learned when
you had a tiny baby who really did need
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you to be there every second of the day
appropriate now that your children are
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adults or now that your parents are gone
or now that, uh, you know, there’s other
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younger people in your community who can
do some of the things you used to do?
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Does the fact that you’re a good
girl and you never swear mean
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that your characters can’t curse?
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And if it makes you uncomfortable,
how are you going to deal with that?
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If you were the smart kid at school
and everything came easily to you and
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you were able to dodge the classes
that were hard I’m not saying that I
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got out of gym by saying I had singing
lessons, but I’m not not saying that
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If you were able to dodge the
difficult things early in life
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Or you just a lot of stuff came
easily to you when things get hard.
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Do you have You the conditioning that
says hard things are to be avoided.
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Or do you have the ability to push
through that and get your intellect
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involved and say, Yeah, I’m not
very good at this, but that’s okay.
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I can, it doesn’t mean
I’m not good at living.
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It doesn’t mean I’m worthless.
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It means I didn’t write this correctly
and I don’t quite know what’s wrong
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with it and I might have to ask for
help and that might be uncomfortable.
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We have to work through our instinctive
reactions, just like our characters do.
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We have to work through our
conditioned responses and ask
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whether those are still appropriate.
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And then we have to look at our
intellectual rationalising of our actions
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and ask if that’s actually appropriate.
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Is it appropriate to say, oh
well, I’m not very good at writing
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novels, therefore I should just not.
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Or, is it acceptable to say, Oh well, I’m
not very good at writing novels, I need to
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figure out why, and what’s tripping me up.
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Because this is quite a complex thing, and
I bet I’m not not good at writing novels,
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I bet I don’t have a strong sense of
what’s actually supposed to be happening.
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in the scenes in the middle after the
inciting incident and before the climax.
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And maybe I need to go and study
some story structure from someone
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who really gets this and speaks about
it in a way that I can relate to.
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I know, writing’s fun, right?
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Writing’s a thing you enjoy.
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It’s supposed to be fun,
it’s supposed to be easy.
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Uh uh.
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It’s not supposed to be easy.
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If it was easy, it
wouldn’t be interesting.
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You may have to.
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do some work on, on the
bit between your reaction
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and the intellectual response you actually
want and the outcome that matters to you.
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And this all happened because I
promised to share with a bunch of
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people what I had learned in my
writing practice and study about the
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difference between show and tell.
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That writing advice that says
You should show, not tell.
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A.
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Not always true.
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And B.
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Wow, is there a lot to explore in there.
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So we’ve spent this month in the One Story
Challenge, exploring Show, Don’t Tell.
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And in the meantime,
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I got to delve into human psychology
and human physiology in order to
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allow all of us to write a book.
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Better characters who react more
realistically and who have depth.
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Even in short stories you can do
this stuff so easily, not easily,
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you can do this stuff so quickly
and with so few words that you can
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do this in a short story if you
know what you’re trying to achieve.
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So I delved into human psychology,
physiology, and expectations.
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I ended up delving into personal
development, all because I wanted to write
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and help some other people write stories
that were more satisfying to other people.
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There’s nothing wrong with wanting
to please people, especially if
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you can use it to keep learning.
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This life, I think, is a lifelong learning
project, and writing is demanding.
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Because it demands that we look
at what, the human condition.
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So simply looking at a technique
like Show Don’t Tell has allowed
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me to go so deep this month.
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And it’s allowed me to develop,
not just my craft, but as a writer.
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with a writing practice.
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It’s allowed me to examine why I sometimes
resist writing, even though I love it.
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It’s allowed me to examine whether or not
the polite society rules I was raised with
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are serving me, whether I need to be quite
that polite, or whether it would be better
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for me as a human being in this one life
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to react differently to some things.
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It’s allowed me to examine whose
voices are in my head and whether
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they’re worth listening to.
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It’s allowed me to build confidence.
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And I think it’s doing the same for
the people in the One Story Challenge.
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Never think that your
writing is a waste of time.
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Your writing is a personal development
project that trickles out into the world.
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That filters out into the world
around you, to all the people
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that you come in contact with.
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Working on a skill, or a craft
piece, or a story, or a technique,
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is never a waste of time.
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It will teach you so much about people,
about your writing, and about yourself.
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So, I commend you for being a
writer, And for doing the hard
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work, as well as the easy work.
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And if you’re not always finding
it easy or having it fun,
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finding it easy or having it feel like
fun, I heard an athlete talking about
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this recently and they said that their
coach had told them it’s the rule of
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thirds, a third of the time it’s going
to feel easy and joyous and You’re in
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the flow and it’s going to feel great.
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A third of the time, it’s
going to feel like work.
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And a third of the time, no matter
what you do, it’s going to feel
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like you’re failing because you just
can’t get, you can’t perform at your
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best level, you can’t, you can’t
go faster in art, you can’t meet
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the times that you wanted to meet.
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You’re just, you just
can’t do it on those days.
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But as long as that’s a third, and
a third of the time, you’re loving
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it, and the middle third is work.
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That’s about right.
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And I found that very encouraging.
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Worthwhile things aren’t always easy.
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We can look at ways of making them more
easy, we don’t need to make them harder.
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But there are going to be days where it’s
just not happening, it’s just not coming.
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But those days are not wasted.
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Those days are building strength,
building persistence, building grit,
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building patience.
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And for a writer, they’re probably
you absorbing experiences, noodling
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things in the back of your mind
where you’re not thinking about
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them, watching the world, watching
people, seeing how they really work.
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You don’t need to be turning out
2, 000 words a day to be a writer.
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So I encourage you to think about
deepening your character’s reactions
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Letting the reader pause and go through
that process with them occasionally.
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And I also encourage you to pause and
examine your own reactions when you come
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up against something that’s a little hard.
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In part, so you can replicate it on the
page, but in part, so that you can get
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to the intellectual analysis part of it
and figure out if there’s anything you
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need to change and What that might be.
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And there’s no rush, because
this is a lifetime project.
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That’s what I have for you this week.
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If you’d like to join the One Story
Challenge, you can join it at any time by
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coming to StoryADay.org/one-story-signup
keep writing.